The first thing I notice when I wake up is the scent of vanilla and something uniquely Cecily lingering on my pillowcase. The second thing is the warm weight of her body pressed against mine, her head tucked into the curve of my shoulder like she belongs there. Like she's always belonged there.
I don't move. Hell, I barely breathe. I'm too afraid that if I do, she'll wake up and remember all the reasons we shouldn't be doing this. But right now, in this moment, with the early morning light filtering through her bedroom curtains and her soft breathing tickling my chest, everything feels right in a way it hasn't in years.
Last night... fuck, last night was everything I'd been dreaming about since I came back to Bellehaven. Every touch, every whispered word, every moment when she finally let her walls come down and just let me love her the way I've been aching to. The way I should have been loving her all along, if we'd communicated better.
Cecily shifts slightly in her sleep, her arm tightening around my waist, and I can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of my lips. Even unconscious, she's holding on to me like she's afraid I might disappear. I get it. I've been afraid of the same damn thing.
"You're thinking too loud," she mumbles against my chest, her voice thick with sleep, the breath hot on my skin.
"Sorry," I murmur, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Didn't mean to wake you."
She tilts her head up to look at me, her hair a messy tangle around her face, and Christ, she's beautiful. Even with sleep marks on her cheek, she's the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen.
"What time is it?" she asks, though she doesn't make any move to actually check the clock on her nightstand.
"Early enough," I say, running my fingers through her hair. "I don't have to be at the school for another hour."
She settles back against me. "Good. I'm not ready to let you go yet."
Those words hit me right in the chest, and I have to swallow past the sudden tightness in my throat. "You don't have to let me go, Cec. Not if you don't want to."
She's quiet for a moment, and I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head. The doubt creeping back in, the fear that this is too good to be true, too good to last. I know because I'm thinking the same damn things.
"Quinn," she starts, and I can hear the hesitation in her voice.
"No," I say firmly, tightening my arms around her. "Whatever you're about to say, whatever reason you're about to give me for why this was a mistake or why it can't happen again, I don't want to hear it. Not right now. Can we just... enjoy this? Just us, just this, without all the rest of the bullshit crowding in?"
She's quiet again, but then she nods. "Okay. Just this morning."
We lie there in comfortable silence for a while, my fingers tracing lazy patterns on her bare shoulder while she draws circles on my chest with her fingertip. It's peaceful in a way I haven't experienced in years, like all the noise in my head has finally quieted down.
"I forgot," she says softly.
"Forgot what?"
"How safe I feel with you." Her voice is barely above a whisper, like she's admitting something she doesn't want to say out loud. "You've always made me feel safe."
I close my eyes, remembering those last few months before we got married. "I should have stayed."
"You made a decision, the one you thought was right."
"I did what was easy," I correct. "Staying would have been right. Fighting for you would have been right."
She lifts her head to look at me again, and there's something in her eyes I can't quite read. "You're fighting for me now."
"Damn right I am." I cup her face in my hands, my thumbs brushing over her cheekbones. "I'm not going anywhere this time, Cecily. Not unless you tell me to go."
She leans into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed. "I'm scared, Quinn."
"Of what?"
"Of believing you. Of letting myself have this and then losing it again." Her eyes open, and they're bright with unshed tears. "I don't think I could survive it a second time."
"You won't have to," I promise. "I swear to you, Cec, you won't have to."
She searches my face, like she's looking for any sign that I might be lying. Then she leans down and kisses me, soft andsweet and full of all the things we're both too afraid to say out loud.
When she pulls back, she rests her forehead against mine. "I have to go figure out what I'm going to do for work. Maybe I'll go to the hospital, the next county over."