Page 46 of Falling Fast

‘No.’

‘Fine.’ Kelsey throws her arms out. ‘I’m going to get a smoothie.’

I bite the inside of my lip as she storms away. I shouldn’t be happy about Leif’s answer, but I can’t help it. A warm, fuzzy feeling has just suffused my whole body and I want to hug him. I actually start to lift my arms before stopping myself. I can’t, not when I still haven’t made a decision about ‘us’, so instead I wait until Kelsey flings the door open before turning to follow her. ‘I should probably go too.’

‘Wait.’ Leif tosses his towel aside and takes a step closer, gripping the machine next to me with one hand. ‘Is this what you want, for me to go on a date with an actress?’

‘It doesn’t matter what I want.’ I thrust my chin out because I don’t like his tone. It sounds accusatory, like he thinks I actuallyenjoyasking him any of this. ‘Speaking on behalf of the communications department, it would be good for the team.’

‘What about speaking as you?’

‘I –’

I pause because now that he’s standing right in front of me, the musky scent of him filling my senses, I’m finding it harder to focus. There’s an intimacy about our position, making everything feel heightened; my pulse is thumping and I have a sudden, overwhelming desire to be half-naked and sweaty too. Or possibly all naked, pressed up against him …

‘Ava?’ His eyes search mine, ice and fire combined.

‘Speaking as me –’ my voice catches – ‘I don’t like the idea.’

‘Why not?’

I swallow as he moves incrementally closer. Or maybe I’m moving towards him?

‘Because I don’t want you to date anyone else.’ I press a hand to my mouth in surprise as the words emerge, honest and unfiltered. Standing this close, only a couple of inches apart, his bicep right next to my face, all my defences come tumbling down. I can’t help but tell the truth, even if it’s one I’m not entirely comfortable with. This could be a terrible idea, but right now I can’t bring myself to care. I’m in the grip of something more powerful, something I want –need– to explore.

‘Neither do I.’ He lifts a hand, gently pulling my fingers away from my mouth.

‘But the thing is,’ I say quickly, ‘I’m not good at this.’

‘This?’

‘Dating. Relationships.This.’

One of his eyebrows lifts. ‘What makes you think that?’

‘It’s just not something I do. And when I’ve tried it … it goes wrong.’ I take an unsteady breath. ‘I find it hard to relax. I guess I’m too uptight.’

‘Ava …’ His brow furrows slightly as he lets go of my hand. ‘If you don’t want to date me, just say so and I’ll respect that. But if all that’s stopping you is some idea that you’re uptight …’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t think that’s true. I like you. I think we could have something really special.’

My heart skips a beat because I want to believe that, so badly. But he doesn’t understand. ‘You’d be better off with Ashley Hart.’ I make one last attempt at being sensible. ‘She’d be good for your brand.’

His lips quirk at the corners. ‘There’s a limit to what I’m prepared to do for my brand.’

‘Leif …’

‘Ava …’ He leans forward before I can argue any more, bringing his lips to within a hair’s breadth of mine and thenstopping. The implication is obvious. This has to be my move – my choice. So I make it. I close the distance between us, kissing him tentatively and catching my breath as I wait for my body to stiffen. But like before, it doesn’t. Instead I melt. Our noses nudge together and my lips cling to his like they never want to let go. I fall into the moment because for the first time in six years Iwantto be kissed.

Leif’s mouth is warm and his breath soft. He’s a good kisser – not that I thought he wouldn’t be, I just didn’t think I was the sort of person who could appreciate good kissing. But I appreciate thissomuch; I’m already slipping my hands over his shoulders, digging my fingers into his vest so that I can pull us even closer together. I don’t let my lack of experience stop me. I want this too much to feel self-conscious.

Desire blooms in me, like a flower unfurling its petals in sunshine, spreading its tendrils along every nerve until my whole body is vibrating with sensation. I kiss him fiercely, like I’m channelling all this pent-up emotion into one moment. Now that I’ve let my guard down, I can’t seem to put it back up again. I want to throw him down on one of the gym mats and do things I’ve never wanted to do with anyone before. My knees are weak and I can feel my pulse everywhere … in my wrists, my elbows, my throat.

I’m out of control … and Iloveit.

‘Ava …’ Leif breaks the kiss finally, his breathing more ragged than when he was working out. ‘Kelsey will be back any moment.’

I step away from him, panting just as heavily. He’s right, this isn’t the time or place. I need to pull myself together.

He looks at the door and then back at me. ‘Meet me later?’

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