Page 66 of In Her Shadow

“This is about how unfair life is. Look at you, you're living your dream. You always wanted to be a mom, and you got yourself a sexy, millionaire who's obsessed with you thrown in as an added extra.” She shakes her head and laughs some more.“What do I have?” Her face turns serious as she looks at me for an answer

“You have lots of things. A great job; look at you, you're beautiful, every man in New York wants to date you.”

“I don’t want them, Eloise. I had the man I loved, and I lost him.” Her lips wobble like she’s about to cry.

“I’m sorry but, Katelyn, you never told me any of this. Why?”

“You're not sorry, you're not sorry at all.” Tears stream out of her eyes.

“This was his favorite place in the world. We have some good memories here, some horrific ones too, but I try to think more about the good,” she snuffles.

“Who was this guy? Why did you never tell me about him before?” I ask her.

“You know who he was, Eloise. Think about it, think back long and hard.” She pierces her eyes into mine, and I shake my head because I really have no idea what she’s talking about.

“Do you think you were the only apple of your daddy's eye?” she whispers, causing my insides to clench and vomit rise to my throat.

“No.” I shake my head viciously.

“Yes, Eloise.” She climbs over me so her hands rest on each side of my hips. “Your daddy loved me, too. Never quite as much as he loved you.” Her eyes look me up and down as she sniggers, “And you made him feel so guilty that he killed himself.”

I can’t respond. I’m too stunned.

“What's wrong, El? Don't you feel so special now?” She pouts her lips at me cruelly.

“How can you say that to me? That's sick.” I look back at her in disgust. How could she have been there for me, comforted me through all my suffering, and never mentioned that he was abusing her, too?

“You know, I can kind of understand how that nut job boyfriend of yours acts; love makes us do all kinds of crazy things.”

I breathe a sigh of relief when she backs down and sits on the end of the bed again.

“How could you have loved him? He was an abuser,” I ask, trying to understand her.

“Nile wasn’t a predator; he was soft and gentle, he listened to me, he understood. You know, when I was pregnant, he used to bring me fresh strawberries every time he visited me here. He’d sing to my tummy so our baby could hear his voice. Sinatra. It was always his favorite.”

“Baby?!” Suddenly, this bed feels as if it’s spinning.

“Why do you think I had to go away for so long?” She’s looking at me as if I should be keeping up with all this.

“Because your parents died. Your gran took guardianship, she–”

“There you go again, believing everything people tell you. Yes, my parents died, but I never went to live with my gran. That was all just a cover to keep mydignity.” She rolls her eyes. “I told my parents about the baby pretty early on. Nile had told me to. He said to pretend that I didn’t know who the father was, and leave it to him to fix it. He had a plan that would allow us to be together.” She smiles like she’s seventeen again. “ I lied to my folks, told them I’d confided in your father because he was a doctor, and when he came over to help with thecrisis,I really thought they were gonna buy his suggestion.” She shakes her head and chews on her thumbnail. “Dad was all for sending me to the teen mom facility Nile told them about. Of course, I was never really gonna go there; we always planned that I’d have the baby here. I was gonna turn this place into a cosy little home for the three of us, where he’d looked forward to coming.” She smoothes her hand over the bedspread and smiles.

“But Mom thought differently. She was convinced I’d be better off with family. She wanted me to go to Florida to have the baby and put it up for adoption. I couldn’t let that happen.” Katelyn shakes her head.

“So whatdidhappen?” I bite the inside of my cheek and try not to cry.

“I taught myself a little about mechanics, and I cut the brakes on their car the night they went to watch the Christmas tree lights get turned on.” She explains in a matter-of-fact tone that sends a chill down my spine.

“My nan was relieved when Nile made the same suggestion to her as he did my parents. She was happy to take the out-of-sight-out-of-mind approach to the situation. And so we ended up here.” She gets off the bed and swings around its post before heading into the kitchen.

“So you and my dad have a kid together?” All of this is far too much for me to get my head around.

“We were happy here; your dad would come at least once over the weekend and stop by every now and again between shifts. I missed him so much when he was gone, but I had our baby to keep me company. Isn’t it magical when you feel them moving around inside you?” She tilts her head at me as she places a glass of water on the bedside table. I hold my breath nervously when she presses her hand against the swell of my stomach. “It just makes you feel so special.”

“What happened to it? How could I have never known?”

“It seemed you were happy in the knowledge that I was in Florida. We both know Luca Fenton wouldn’t have asked you to the senior prom if I were still at school.” She giggles spitefully. “All those phone calls I made to you were from here. I desperately wanted to still be your friend; I was hoping that maybe one day the two worlds your dad was living in would come together, and I wouldn’t have to be a secret.”

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