Page 37 of In Her Shadow

I hate that someone was here, someone I don’t know about, and who is very likely a threat.

I can’t give Eloise the space she needs, not while she’s in danger. I have to get her away from here. Guess it really is timefor her to learn the truth, and whether she likes that truth or not, she’s gonna let me protect her.

Even if I have to take her by force.

ELOISE

This sickness seems to be getting worse, and whoever labelled it as morning sickness should be fired because it’s not just in the morning. It’s all-day sickness, and although I haven’t actually thrown anything up yet, my stomach keeps threatening it. I didn’t sleep at all last night, I just kept thinking about Ren and all those pictures he drew. I have no idea how long he’s been living in the hovel across the street. I don’t know when his mind started to conjure up all these images of our lives together, but the more I think about it, the less scared they make me. That sketch of him cutting me was so wrong and sadistic. So why can’t I get it out of my head? Why did I touch myself in the shower last night, just thinking about how it might feel? The sordid truth is, I like being at his mercy. I like him being in control, and I like his pain. I even like that there’s a part of him inside me, right now, making me feel as if I’m going to throw up the breakfast I forced down. I’d smiled a little when I was brushing my teeth this morning, thinking of the picture I saw of me dipping my toes in the ocean, and smiling down at a neat, little baby bump. I’ve never been in the ocean before. It’s definitely the kind of thing I’d want to experience for the first time with Ren.

Another dose of reality hits with a thump when I realize how fucked up all this is.

Ren hasn’t just been following me; he’s based his whole life around me. He’s mapped out our future, and I don’t even know how I feel about the sketches he’s drawn of me with cuts on my skin. I’m pretty sure that I shouldn’t have started fantasizing about them myself, though.

The work day seems to drag longer than usual. I skip lunch because I really can’t stomach it, and when home time eventually comes around, I’m looking forward to going home and crashing out.

I’m desperate to sleep. I need to give my mind a rest for a few hours, and as I walk back toward my apartment, I instinctively look out for any signs of Ren. It’s crazy that I’m a little disappointed that I don’t see any; most women would be at the police station getting a restraining order if they were me. But I miss him. It’s been just over twenty-four hours, and already I feel as if a part of me isn’t there anymore. A month may not seem like a long time, but it’s all the time I’ve needed to discover that despite all of Ren’s flaws, I’m in love with him.

I get to my apartment and look up across to the warehouse like I did this morning, but Ren isn’t looking out this time. I can’t sense him out here with me either, and I shake my head and try to get fucking real when I start feeling disapointed again. I told the man to stay away from me; this is what I wanted.

Once I’m inside, I check my mailbox, and seeing that it’s empty, I head up the stairs, preparing for a long night of feeling sorry for myself.

Opening the door, I throw my keys on the side unit and see Ren sitting on the edge of my bed with my travel case beside him. I don’t know whether to be relieved or angry.

“I told you to stay away from me,” I remind him, doing my best to look mad at him, because that’s how Ishouldbe feeling.He looks as if he’s been in a fight; his lip is split, and one of his eyes is swollen. I want to ask how it happened, but I know he won’t tell me.

“I warned you I wasn’t very good at that.” He attempts a smile, and I reopen the door for him to leave.

“You need to go, Ren.” I have to be strong. I have to think logically before I jump into things feet first again. It’s not just me I have to think about anymore.

“I can’t do that, Kitten.” He gets up and starts slowly walking toward me, and I feel nerves and excitement dance in my stomach as he nears.

“You need to come with me,” he whispers.

“I’m not going anywhere with you. Leave.” I gesture with my eyes out the door, and he shocks the hell out of me when he slams it shut and breathes through his nostrils like a bull.

“Kitten, I love this stubborn little act. It’s real cute, but I’m not playing games. You need to come with me.” I can see the frustration in his eyes, he looks crazy mad, and the hand he has pressed against the door to keep it shut is shaking from all the tension he’s holding onto.

“Ren, you're scaring me,” I tell him, hoping it’ll make him see some sense and calm down.

“I’m not leaving here without you. I packed you a bag; you're coming with me.” He snatches at my wrist and drags me toward the bed, and I instantly go into defensive mode when I think about the little life inside me.

“Ren, I have to tell you something.” I lost the test at some point between here and the warehouse. For all I know, Ren could already know I’m pregnant; perhaps this is why he’s acting this way. Right now, it’s my only defence.

“I already know. You left this behind yesterday.” He takes the pregnancy test stick out of his pocket and places it on top of thetravel bag. “And this is exactly why you need to come with me.” His voice comes out a little more frantic.

“You're not making any sense. Do you honestly expect me to leave here with you after everything I saw yesterday?”

“Eloise, we’re gonna talk about what you saw yesterday. I’m gonna explain it, but you gotta start being honest with yourself. Were you really that surprised by it all? You already knew I was obsessed with you. You quit asking questions weeks ago because you knew you wouldn’t like the answers.” He stares back at me, making it hard to argue when everything he’s saying is true.

“You shouldn’t have all this stress; it’s bad for the baby.” He shakes his head, looking disappointed in himself.

“Then don’t break into my apartment. How did you even get in here?” I look back at the door, and the more I think about it, the more I realize this isn’t the first time he’s gotten in here without me letting him in. The other night, when he left so abruptly, he came back to me while I was sleeping. I didn’t even question how he got through the door.

“I told you, I’m gonna explain all that, but first we gotta get out of here. I’m gonna get you to some place safe, then we can talk. I promise.”

“Safe from what, Ren? You're acting crazy.”

“Don’t make me do this by force, Kitten. I don’t wanna hurt you or the baby.”

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