Page 47 of Resist

With no other choice, we head back to our bus, but we are all quiet. It was the best show of our lives, and it might be the last. This is out of our hands, and I hate that. Dash and Strike go to bed, both looking beat and stressed, but I can’t sleep. I climb the ladder at the back of the bus and lie on the roof. I stare up at the stars when I feel him lie next to me. Despite everything, I smile. I knew he would come.

“You remember when we used to do this every night in the van? Dash and Strike would be snoring, but we would watch the sky for hours together, talking about everything and anything. Neither of us wanted to sleep,” I recollect as he reaches over and takes my hand. He places it on his chest and plays with my fingers, and the connection makes me sigh happily and turn my head to see him.

He’s staring at the sky, his wet hair held back by a cute, fluffy headband I bought him when he kept complaining about how long it was getting.

Fuck, I love this man.

I love every version of him, but I think this is my favorite. It’s a side of him only I get.

“It was my favorite part of every day,” I whisper shyly, and his head turns so his eyes meet mine. “Even if I didn’t understand why I craved it, I would count down the hours until it was just us and the sky. You were always the best part of my day, Fox, and I missed it so much. I used to go outside and lookup at the stars when we drifted, hoping you were as well and thinking of me like I was you.”

“Ry . . .” He sighs, kissing my fingers as I watch him.

“I made so many mistakes. I ran, and I hurt you, yet you’re still here with me. Promise me you won’t go anywhere. I won’t hurt you ever again. I won’t ever be scared again, but please, Fox, please don’t stop watching the sky with me. Please don’t take that from me again,” I implore, knowing I sound desperate, but my world is now up in flames, everything uncertain, and he’s my safe harbor.

“Never,” he promises as he kisses my hand again. “We’ll do this until we are too old to climb up here, and then I’ll get us blankets so we can do it on the ground instead. We’ve both made mistakes, baby, and both hurt each other, so stop dwelling on it. The past is the past for a reason, and it got us here together, didn’t it?” His eyes are so soft, I drown in them, and something in my chest loosens. All the guilt and pain I felt flee at his confession.

I was too much of a coward back then to take what I wanted, but I never will be again. I’ll be brave for him.

“Do you remember our first kiss?” I ask. It was on a night like this, the world silent around us.

“Hmm, it was on stage, wasn’t it?” he asks as he turns to face me, our hands trapped between us as if he has no intention of relinquishing his hold on me.

“No, it wasn’t,” I admit slyly, dropping my gaze to his lips. “It was before that, way before all of this. It was in our van. We were broke and tired, and you were in front of me, looking so perfect I couldn’t resist.”

He frowns, thinking for a moment, and I know the second he remembers what I mean because his mouth parts in shock. “I thought you were asleep,” he whispers.

My smile is small and guilty as I move closer. “You were staring at me, and I was hoping you would kiss me, but you didn’t so I kissed you. I pretended I was asleep to get away with it, not ready for what it meant, but even then, I knew if I didn’t kiss you in that moment, I would die. I’m sorry it took me so long, baby. I got lost along the way, but it’s always been you. Every bed I left was me running toward you. I promise I will never hurt you again. I love you, Fox. All I know and all I have ever known is that I’m lost without you. Without you, there’s no me, and every love song I have ever sung has been for you.” I wipe away a tear that falls from his beautiful eyes, remembering how many I put there before. “I don’t know if I believe in fate or destiny or anything like that, but I believe we found each other in this fucked-up world for a reason, and I’m never letting go again.” I press my lips to his, keeping my eyes open this time, loving him fully.

I move closer, echoing what I did that night as I watched him through slitted eyelids.

This time, he doesn’t try to move away.

No, he reaches for me, cupping my cheek. Our lips tastes like his tears as he kisses me softly, like I’m precious. When he pulls away this time, he holds me close, his legs thrown over mine as if he’s worried I’ll disappear. I know I put that fear there, and I’ll spend the rest of our lives making sure he never feels it again.

“We named our band Sanctuary,” I whisper, and his eyelids open, “because we were all lost and searching for a home. I found mine, and it’s you.”

He smiles, and it’s like the sun shining through a storm. “You have a way with words, baby. I guess that makes sense.”

“No, you always wrote them for others, but I’ll write them for you,” I promise as I kiss him again. “I know you’re worried about what’s going on, but whatever happens, we’ll be okay because we have each other,” I tell him as I look into his eyes. “We’ve doneit before, and we can do it again, but I’d happily lose it all as long as I have you. You’re my life, Fox, not music or this band or even this dream. I can live without being a singer, but I can’t live without you.”

“Then don’t,” he responds. “You’re right. We’ll face it together.”

A throat clears, and we both roll our heads back to see Dash and Strike. “Sorry to interrupt. We couldn’t sleep, too worried. Can we join?” Strike asks hesitantly.

Fox and I share a look, and then we both hold out our hands. They come over, Strike taking Fox’s, Dash taking mine, and they huddle around us, just like those nights in our van. Fox smiles at me, and I know I’m right.

No matter what, we’ll be okay because we have each other.

We might have lost our chance, but we found our family again, and that is worth more than fame ever could be.

TWENTY-TWO

Despite our nervousness, we do manage to get some sleep, but when morning arrives and there is no more news than before, we all feel the stress.

“Why don’t you two get out of here? We’ll be on the road later, and it’s going to be crazy for a few months. Go have a date or something,” Strike suggests. “We’ll call if there is any news.”

I know he’s doing it to stop me from pacing, but as I stare at Ryker, who perks up at the idea, I find I like it a lot. “Do you want to go on a date with me?”

---