Page 35 of Resist

He frowns. “What are you doing?” he asks quietly, his voice gravelly.

“Sleeping here,” I murmur as I move closer.

“Ry . . .” He sighs. “It’s hot and small in here. Go back to your bunk.”

My heart cracks, so I press closer, throwing my arm and leg over him with a tired whine. “No,” I murmur into his skin.

His hand touches mine, and I smile, but he lifts it from his body and moves his legs away as he sits up. I fall into his bed,turning my head to meet his annoyed look. “What are you doing, Ryker?”

“Sleeping—”

“No, what are you doing?” he snaps. “You’re climbing into bed with me again like it’s nothing.”

“We used to sleep together all the time,” I whisper, confused.

His eyes sweep over my face. “That was then. We’re different now.”

I sit up, pain piercing my chest until I struggle to breathe. “Why? Why are we different?”

“We just are. Go back to your bed, Ryker. Don’t do this again. Please.” He adds the last word softly.

“I-I’m sorry, Fox, if I hurt you—” I start, but he sighs and looks away.

“You’re always saying sorry.” He looks at me, and his eyes shine with ghosts. “Do you even know what you’re apologizing for? Do you even care? Or do you say it just to get your way?”

I flinch. “I mean it. We’re friends?—”

“Since when?” He throws his blanket back, his expression becoming hard. “Friends don’t sleep like this. Friends don’t touch like we do. Friends don’t kiss like we did. We aren’t friends, Ryker, maybe we never were, and I’m—” He looks away. “I’m tired, okay? Go to your bed. We have a long few months ahead of us, so we need to rest when we can.”

“Dane,” I whisper. It’s his real name, the one we shared with each other in drunken slurs. “Don’t do this.”

His jaw pops. “Ellis.” He returns the favor, and just like always, hearing my real name on his lips makes my heart soar, even as his next words cut its wings and bring it back to earth. “Go to bed. It’s late.”

He waits, and I know he isn’t going to budge. Shame heats my cheeks as I climb from his bed and back into mine. I drag theblanket up and over my head as I offer him and everyone else my back, then my eyes fill with tears.

He’s never told me no before. He’s never pulled away like that and set boundaries. The tears spill, even as I close my eyelids, trying to stop them so he and the others don’t hear or see.

I’m in love with Fox.

It’s something I denied for so long, but when I sang with him tonight, I realized it.

I love him, and I’m too late.

EIGHTEEN

The next few days are madness, filled with performing and travelling to the next venue. We go through the entire setup and sound check again, and the show that night is wild. The crowds only seem to get crazier and crazier.

We hit up the green room every night, and tonight is no different, but Ryker is. Ever since that first night, he’s back to his old ways, drinking and partying hard. I watch him do shots with a cute blonde, then they dance and hang all over each other before I turn to my notebook and continue scribbling. When I look up, he’s heading out of the door, her arm through his.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what they are doing, yet it fucking hurts so much for a moment, I can’t breathe. The room narrows around me, closing in until it’s all I see.

I watch him go, and I know I am completely done.

I kicked him out of my bed, but now I need to kick him out of my heart. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep hurting myself. I’m bound to this band, but the healthiest thing would be to walk away. I can’t though. I’m trapped here with him, so that means I need to cut all this completely off.

Taking my phone, I flee the green room and head deeper into the stadium, entering one of the makeup rooms. It’s empty since everyone is on stage or preparing.

Sitting in the swivel chair, I close my eyes and let out a long sigh. I shouldn’t have expected any less. Fuck, I’m so stupid. I keep doing this to us, going around and around. I’m so fucking weak when it comes to him, and I hate it.

---