Page 27 of Resist

His hands glide across my back and down into my pants so he can grip my ass through my boxers. The whole time, my mouth destroys his. It’s a brutal, hard kiss—a punishment.

That realization startles me. Team keeps kissing me, totally unaware, tugging me to the cradle of his hips, but my desire has gone cold.

I’m punishing him like he’s Ryker.

I’m using him like Ryker used me, and it makes me feel so fucking shitty.

I pull back, and his eyelids flutter open. “Fox.”

The way he sighs my name only increases my guilt.

I’m not in a relationship, but I feel like I’m cheating.

Flopping back on the bed, I cover my face. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

When I pull away, I spy glitter on Team’s lips, and I feel nauseous. It’s from Ryker. If I fuck Team, I would think of Ryker the entire time. It’s wrong. I can’t replace the person I want with him. It isn’t fair to either of them.

He’s quiet for a moment. I glance over at him to see him smiling at me. “Okay.” He lies next to me, still breathing heavily, but he doesn’t push it.

“I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry for messing with you.”

“Hey, I got one of the best kisses of my life. I’m not complaining.” He turns his head to meet my gaze, and we both burst into laughter. Reaching over, he wipes a finger across my mouth where I’m sure my makeup is smeared. “Want to talk about it?”

“No? Yes?” I throw my hand over my face again. “I’m a mess.”

“Everybody is,” he replies, and I glance over at him again. “Nobody is perfect. Nobody has it all together. Life is messy, and that’s the beauty in it. We’re humans, so we make mistakes and try again. We keep trying until we get it right.” He arches an eyebrow. “You love him.”

My eyes widen as I freeze, and he laughs. “I suspected it when you carried him from the bar. The way you looked at him . . . I’d kill to have someone look at me like that. Does he know?”

I shake my head, and he sighs. “And therein lies the problem. It’s called communication, Fox. Why don’t you try it? Tell him you love him.”

“Then I’ll lose him,” I murmur.

“So? At least you’d stop hurting yourself and tying yourself in knots, right?” He glances over at me. “Fuck anyone else, fuck losing him. How do you know if you don’t even try? It’s just an excuse.”

“I can’t. We signed a deal. He can’t be mine,” I admit as I stare at the ceiling.

“But you want him to be?” he asks softly, as if leading me to the truth.

“More than anything, but it’s all so . . . twisted between us now,” I reply. “We keep hurting each other. I keep letting himbreak my heart over and over, and he’s oblivious. I have to watch him come home night after night, smelling of others. I have to let him touch and tease me for cameras like it doesn’t make my heart ache. I have to pretend I don’t love him for the sake of our band and his dream.”

“Hmm, complicated,” he remarks, and I grin. “What?” He chuckles. “I don’t have all the answers, but if I were him, I’d want to know. You need to figure it out together. If you feel like you can’t tell him and that you two can never be together, then you need to find a way to get over him. Unrequited love benefits no one. It only hurts you, and you deserve to be happy, Fox. You deserve to be in love, not feeling like this.”

“I don’t think I could ever love anyone else,” I say as I glance at him. “I know it’s stupid, but I’m so tired of love, so tired of hurting. It’s left me numb and empty. I don’t think I could ever love anyone else the way I love Ryker. I used everything I have on him. There’s nothing left.”

“Then you need to heal yourself. Fill yourself back up so there is something left before you love anyone else. Your partner deserves that, and you can’t love anyone while you’re hurting. Love should be healing. It should be a safe harbor to dock in. It should be . . . home. Not this,” Team reasons as he reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I might be a stranger to you, but even I can see it, Fox. You try so hard for everyone, but do they do the same? Everything you said has been to protect Ryker, but what about you?”

“There is no me without him,” I respond as I glance at him. “That makes me sound crazy, right?”

“A little bit, but not in a bad way. Like I said, I would kill for someone to love me the way you love him. He doesn’t realize how lucky he is.” He holds my hand as we stare at each other. “Love shouldn’t hurt. Either fight for it or let it go. You know it’s time. That’s why you came here, right? To move on?”

“Yes,” I answer.

“And you couldn’t?”

I shake my head, and he smiles.

“Then fight for it. Tell him directly. Tell the world. Don’t ask for forgiveness, just act. We only get one life, Fox. Do you want to spend it pining and wishing? None of it will matter when death comes, so live for now while you still can. If it ends badly, so fucking what? At least you had a love so bright, you’ll always remember it, but don’t just linger—make each day count.”

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