Page 14 of Resist

My eyes land on the bed I should be sleeping in, one side of the covers pushed back and empty, the other wrapped tightly around him.

He’s the reason I can’t sleep.

I stare at his unmoving form, wishing he were as troubled as I am and understood why everything is changing yet staying the same all at once.

We are on our way to the top and finally getting our big break with this tour. The world knows our names, and all the tiny shows and empty seats are finally worth it, but I can’t help missing the simplicity of our lives then.

The contract we signed today burns a hole in my bag, the words echoing in my head and heart, reminding me why I’m so restless.

I can’t have him.

It wasn’t blatantly stated in so many words, but it might as well have been.

Can I stop these urges and feelings?

I have to if we want to make it to the top. This is our time, and I won’t ruin that for us all because of this forbidden love inside me.

He isn’t mine, and he can’t be, so why do I wish he were?

Why do I wish he loved me like I love him?

No, I must resist.

I have to.

Six months later

Everything has changed.

In just six months, our band and image have grown. Our label is pushing us hard, and it’s been a blur of back-to-back events, recording, and rehearsing. We barely have time for anything else, but Ryker finds his own ways to party and fuck his way through Hollywood—discreetly of course. We can’t have the illusion of him and me ruined.

Our actual bond . . . yeah, that’s long since ruined, or tainted at the very least.

He doesn’t crawl into bed with me anymore. Hell, he isn’t usually home, too busy fucking his way through the masses. He’s become the sex symbol of rock, and I’ve lost him and whatever we had. He let the fame go to his head.

We still play for the cameras and shows, and every now and again, there are stolen touches and longing looks that remind me of what we had before, but it all seems so far away now. We are more like bandmates than anything else, and it hurts to see the man I love pulling away, falling in love with other people, and enjoying his life while I’m haunted by what could have been.

Instead, I focus on my music, writing us new songs and pushing myself harder for our future, and I work on keeping our band together when we feel like we are drifting apart. We spend less and less time together, and I hate it. I know Strike does as well, but we don’t know how to fix it. There isn’t one thing forcing a wedge between us. It’s just time and fame, something we can’t battle.

When the call comes, I’m almost relieved about what it means for us.

It’s another chance to get close again and spend time together.

It’s an opportunity to find our passion, love, family, and the reason we started.

NINE

Ihurry into the meeting room to find the others already there. Brushing my hair back, I sit heavily in the empty chair on the end, the farthest from Fox. He does that now, sits farther away from me. I hate it. It’s the only time I can be close to him without raising suspicion.

“What’s up, boss?” I call to Po, who grins at us.

“I have amazing news—incredible, actually. All your hard work has paid off.” We wait with bated breath, and he grins. “You are going on tour as backup for Dead Ringers! It’s sold-out, set to be the biggest of the year.”

Strike and Dash whoop, hugging each other, but my eyes are on Fox as he drums his fingers on the table. “They are going ahead with the tour? I heard there were issues.”

Does he know I watch him all the time? Things are different between us now, but it’s for the best. Flirting was fun, but it wasn’t worth risking our futures over. The label was serious. I saw firsthand what happens if you break their rules, so I refused to. Instead, I pulled away from Fox. I play the part they want, but I forced myself to stop reaching for him. It wasn’t easy, and I’ve found myself in many other beds, trying to forget him. I know I hurt him and our band, which I hate, but this is the onlyway I can keep us moving to the top, our future within grabbing distance. I will not be the reason our band fails.

Not when I don’t know if what we had was real or not.

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