Page 10 of Call it Reckless

“Good! Mama says you’re going to live here now.”

“I am.”

“Yay! You can teach me everythin’ ‘bout cars and racin’.”

I loved this kid and his enthusiasm for life. And I loved that he looked up to me and wanted me to teach him something, to pass down my knowledge as my daddy and granddaddy had done for me. Even if it was fleeting, it felt good to be admired. But it was bittersweet. I was only here because of two back-to-back events I’d give anything to not have happened.

I pushed away from the direction of my thoughts and grinned as I tapped him on the nose with one finger. “Consider yourself my very first student.”

Iain cocked his head. “Mama said you might be sad because you miss your daddy. Are you sad, Auntie Bristol?”

“Iain.” Zach took a step toward Iain, but I shook my head and kept my eyes on the boy in front of me.

“I am sometimes.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Iain’s young eyes darkened to a deep pine green as he nodded with wisdom a boy his age shouldn’t have. “I missed my dad when he had to leave. Do you know what Mama does when I’m sad?”

“What?”

“She tells me a joke and then helps me think of something happy. Want me to tell you a joke?”

“Iain.” This time, it was Emalee’s voice that was exasperated.

We both ignored her. “You got a good one?” I asked.

“Hmm. Let me think….”

He scrunched up his nose and bit his lip in such an adorable way it was all I could do not to laugh.

“Okay. Got it. What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?”

I thought for a few seconds. “I have no idea.”

“Tyrannosaurus wrecks. Get it?” He doubled over, laughing at his joke, and the adults in the room laughed, too.

I burst out laughing. “That’s a good one. I’ll have to remember it.”

“Now we have to think of something happy.”

My smile grew even broader. “Now, that’s easy. It’s being here with all of you guys, especially with such good food.” I stood and arched an eyebrow at everyone who was focused on us. “Speaking of, is that something burning?”

There wasn’t, but I needed everyone to quit focusing on me. It must have been good timing because Chase leaped back to his griddle, grabbing for his tongs to remove the now crispy bacon.

I stood slowly, hoping everyone was too busy to notice the grimace I couldn’t quite conceal.

A hand reached out to steady me. “It’s good to have you home, darlin’ girl.”

Raelyn Dawson, Emalee’s mom but known to my siblings and me as Mama Rae, smiled with understanding. She opened her arms and enveloped me in a hug that was the kind I wanted to sink into and hide from the world for a few minutes. Where I could quit pretending everything was “fine,” and I could just grieve for everything I’d lost. I was taller than her by a few inches, but her positive energy was that of a giant.

She pulled back after a few seconds, sliding her hands down my arms until they clasped mine. Her brown eyes bored into my hazel ones. “How are youreally?”

She’d been through her own trauma and recovery, and she’d see through any bullshit I tried to feed her. “I still have a little pain sometimes, but nothing I can’t handle. Mostly when I stay in one position for too long.”

“And the rest?”

I shrugged. “It’s hard. I miss him. I miss working with him, but it wouldn’t be the same, you know? But another part of me is excited about having something created just by me and not around his name. Well, mine and Paige’s, but you know what I mean. And I feel a little guilty about that, which is stupid because all I ever wanted was to work with him at the track.”

Her hands squeezed mine. “Your daddy loved having you work with him. Nothing made him prouder than to see how you carved out your place by his side.” Her head tilted toward my siblings, who were back to joking around and finishing breakfast tasks. “He was equally proud of them. All he ever wanted was for his children to take their God-given talents and find their own niche with them. You’ve all done that. My Emalee, too.”

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