Zach’s grip tightened.
“Thankfully, she pulled through. She was in the hospital for a couple of weeks, then she was in therapy for several more to help her walk again.” At his puzzled eyes, I explained, “The bullet that hit her leg shattered the bone. She still walks with a limp and often needs to use a cane, but she’s here. I’m lucky. Two other people died, a security guard and a young woman.”
“Oh, god, Em. That’s awful.”
I looked into his green eyes, seeing only sympathy there. “Those first few days after the shooting were so crazy, I could barely keep my head on straight. I was desperately trying to understand the latest reports the doctors were giving me. There were police interviews, media trying to get statements, and friends and family to keep updated. Fortunately, my Uncle Brock, that’s Bristol’s dad, handled a lot of it for me. I mostly sat with my mom, talking to her, hoping it would help draw her back to me.”
“I still don’t understand why you didn’t at least call me. I would have been there for you.”
“Despite what I saw, or at least what IthoughtI saw, I would have let you know what happened. But in my hurry to get into the car to get home, I dropped my phone on the street. It shattered. After a few days, Uncle Brock put me on his plan and bought me a new phone that came with a new phone number. Since my old one was a prepaid phone with no data plan…” I spread my hands helplessly.
“You didn’t have my number, and I didn’t have your new one.”
“I tried a couple of times to call you, but honestly, you know how it is with programmed numbers. I couldn’t remember the number. No matter what combination I tried, I always got it wrong. And honestly, all I could think about was my mom, first her survival and then her recovery. There was all the insurance hassle and trying to keep The Dogtrot open because we needed the income. I didn’t have the energy to think about anything else for a few weeks. I felt your absence horribly.
“I kept hoping you’d track me down, but that wasn’t fair to you, either. I guess we didn’t really know each other after all. I mean, what does it say that I didn’t even know your phone number? I thought you’d eventually become a sweet memory that I’d always cherish but that we weren’t meant to be.”
“Emalee, that wasn’t true.
“I tried to find you, Zach, I swear. Even if we were over, you deserved to know. When things slowed down a bit, I drove back to the fraternity house. But by then, it was summer and almost no one was around.”
I was caught off guard by the sheen of tears in his eyes, so I shifted my hands to grip his. “I’m sorry, Zach,” I cried. “If I could go back and do things differently, I would, I swear. But I was young, scared, and overwhelmed. I barely had enough energy to hold everything together as it was. I wish I’d asked my uncle to help me track you down. I wish I’d taken you up on your offer to get me a new phone after we met. I wish a man had never gotten high and shot my mom, forcing me to leave Charlotte.”
I was sobbing by then. “I wish I’d never seen you kiss another woman, no matter how innocent it was.” His arm remained frozen beneath my grip. “I could make a million different wishes, Zach, but what happened, happened. I’m sorry. I’m so incredibly sorry, but please try to understand, I never meant to keep him from you.”
His shoulders slumped as he sat with his head bowed over his knees, his fingers knotted between them. My hands twisted around each other as I waited for him to say something, anything, to let me know what he was thinking. He leaned his head against the back of the couch as he closed his eyes and pinched his nose. Finally, he sat up and looked at me, his eyes dulled by a mixture of defeat and sadness. He stood, his long legs pacing the room back and forth before coming to stand in front of me.
“I believe you, Emalee. I really do.”
I started to relax, but he held up his hand. “But I think I need some time to process everything. I know we have a lot to figure out, but I want to get to know my—our—son. I want to spend time with him. You owe me that. No more lies, no more secrets, no keeping him from me. I respect you as his mother, and I’ll work with however you think it’s best to introduce me to him, but don’t keep him from me.”
My legs felt weak with relief, but I managed to make them stand as I nodded. “Of course. But Zach,” I grabbed his arm, tears streaming down my pale face, “please don’t take him away from me.”
CHAPTER16
Zach
Ifelt as though she had struck me.Take our son from her? Is that how little she thought of me?
The sheer terror in her eyes said she did, just as Clay had warned me about. Our emotions were getting the better of us. I needed to ratchet them down.
I bent my knees low enough to bring our eyes level. “I would never do that. No matter what happened between us, I can tell you’re a wonderful mom, and Iain loves you. I will never stand between that. I’m just asking for the same chance.”
Her shoulders caved, and her head fell forward on my chest as she gave in to her tears. Instinctively, I put my arms around her and rocked side to side while she fell apart. I had a feeling she was relieving years of strain and pressure and maybe some guilt. We both had years of misplaced beliefs and feelings, which were all barreling to the surface simultaneously. My emotions surfaced in a wave of tears as well, needing to hold her as much as she appeared to need to hold me.
This was the Emalee and Zach I remembered, the couple who leaned on each other and drew strength from one another. I wasn’t dumb. I knew this was a response to the emotional conversation we just had. But it was better than the standoff we’d been in before we were learned about the odds fate had stacked against us.
Sure, I wished she’d fought harder to find me. But I hadn’t made it easy by disconnecting from my family and moving, something I hadn’t even shared the details about yet. She was right; she was young, and she’d just gone through two major family upheavals.
What was important was that I’d found her and Iain, and now we needed to decide how we were going to handle it. For me, that started with putting my anger and her fear back into their respective boxes.
“Shh,” I crooned, swaying side to side. “It’ll take some time, but we’ll figure it all out. I just want to learn everything I can about our son. You might need to put up with me asking tons of questions and spoiling him a bit.”
Her head nodded against my chest, but she remained snuggled in my arms. Her sweet scent filled my nostrils, making me aware that I’d unconsciously pressed my face into her hair, my lips pressing kisses as I tried to reassure her. My mouth went dry as I became more and more aware of her breasts pressed against me. My hands fell to her hips. They were rounder after giving birth to our son, making her feel even more womanly. She felt right—perfect—back in my arms.
“Mama?”
The soft voice halted any more thoughts. I swung toward the front door that neither of us had heard open. Iain stood just inside, his eyes wide and uncertain, so different from the boy I’d seen earlier that was full of life.