Page 95 of Devious Madness

My mouth dries as a thin layer of cold sweat breaks out over my forehead. I pull my hand away from Megan’s grasp, undeserving of the comfort it brings.

I take a shaky breath. Swallow.

“Mira? What is it? You look like you’re going to puke.” Her brow furrows together in concern.

“Nico wasn’t dead when I left him.” I take a long, steadying breath. “He was still alive when I left.”

“Are you sure?” She leans back a little, like she’s not sure how to process what I’ve said. “You said everything was in chaos. Maybe you’re just worried he was still alive?”

“No. I know he was alive.” I force myself to look at her. “I was scared. Marco was waving his gun at me, demanding the money or the drugs, demanding to know who Nico sold the drugs to. I was so afraid.”

Megan grabs for my hand again, squeezing it hard. “Mira, a dangerous criminal shot him and was threatening to shoot you. If you left him behind, that’s not?—”

“He begged me to help him!” I snap my mouth shut after blurting out the full truth.

My chest aches as the guilt crashes down on me with the memory of him lying on that concrete floor. A thin trail of blood was trickling from his mouth, his arm stretched out at me, desperation filling his eyes as a single word fell softly fromhis lips.

Please.

I deserve every sleepless night I’ve had since. And worse.

“I was a coward, and I left him. I left him lying in his own blood to die alone.” I look down at my hands on the table.

“No,” she says with finality. “If you had done anything else, Marco could have killed you too.”

“I let him die, Megan.” Just giving life to the words brings up more guilt, but at the same time it lifts some of the pressure from my chest.

“You did what you had to do to save yourself.” Megan leans across the table. “Nico never should have taken you to that damn warehouse to meet Marco. He only did it to use you as some sort of shield. I’m positive of it.”

I swallow. “And that warrants me leaving him to die alone? What if I’d been able to get him help? What if he would have survived if I’d stayed? I’m just as responsible for his death as Marco is.”

Silence falls like a heavy curtain between us. She chews on her bottom lip angrily.

“You said he was shot in the chest.”

“Yeah. The chest and the stomach.” I nod, remembering the awful sound he made when he hit the floor. And all the wretched sounds that followed as he grasped onto his fleeting life. My stomach turns.

Megan softens her voice, “Mira, he wouldn’t survive that. Marco never would have let you get him to a hospital in time.”

Tears fillmy eyes.

“You couldn’t have saved him,” she says more firmly. Her voice raises enough to attract Sergei’s interest. He lifts his gaze to us.

“You don’t understand, Megan. I could have.” I wipe away a tear as it falls. “After Marco told me Nico’s debt was mine to pay, he left. He just walked away.”

“He let you go?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah. A few of his men were still there, off in the back somewhere but I was alone with Nico. I could have––” I clear my throat as a sob tries to escape. “I ran out of the warehouse. I had my phone in my hand, and I’d already typed in 911, I just needed to hit the call button.”

“Mira.” She whispers my name, and it’s filled with so much pain, so much empathy, it hurts.

“But I didn’t. If I called the police, Marco would have known it was me. He’d come after me. Forget the money—he’d want my head.” I rake my hand through my hair and a small laugh escapes. “Which now seems stupid, because Marco got to that conclusion anyway. Look at all the mess I’ve caused. All the trouble I brought into your life. Into Alexander’s. Into Rurik’s.”

“Did you tell any of this to Rurik?”

“No. Of course not.” I shake my head and go back to picking at the chips on my plate. “He wouldn’t be able to trust me. Why would he? I left my last boyfriend to die in cold blood on the floor of a warehouse.”

“Rurik wouldn’t think of it like that. If he’s anything like Alexander, and so far, I’ve seen some similarities, he’d take out an entire army to keep you safe. He’d be glad you savedyourself. He would never want you to sacrifice your safety for him. But if you do this––” she taps my phone with two fingers. “If you meet that detective behind his back, he might see it as a betrayal.”

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