Page 29 of Emma on Fire

EMMA’S VIDEO CATCHES fire. Pun … unavoidable.

Maybe it shouldn’t surprise her the way it does. But Emma’s only half awake, and she’s barely thinking about anything at all as she walks into the dining hall for breakfast. As soon as she steps into the room, everyone goes dead quiet. Heads swivel in her direction. She hears someone whisper, “That’s her, that’s the girl. Emma Blake.”

Emma whips around and walks right back out into the hall. Then she stands on the other side of the wall, breathing heavily. Heart going thump-thump-thump so hard her rib cage rattles.

Well, what did you expect?says one exasperated inner voice.

I didn’t expect it quite this soon,says another.

Emma presses her palms flat against the cool tile. Feels the way the wall holds her up, even when her knees want to buckle. How long until someone comes and grabs her by the elbow and drags her off to the headmaster’s office? Or the therapist’s? Or maybe all the way to the psychiatric hospital in Concord?

It’s a real problem when the thing you need to say is the exact thing that makes them want to shut you up.

Or lock you up,says voice number 1.

“Girl,” Jade squeals, rushing out of the dining room and flinging herself at Emma. “What are you doing, do you understand what’s happening?”

Emma says shakily, “I have a pretty good guess.” Her arm begins to throb.

“The TikTok reaction video has already gotten almost a million views, and the West Coast isn’t even awake yet.”

Emma blinks at her. “The what?

Jade thrusts a phone into her face, though they’re supposed to leave them in their rooms during the school day. “Look,” she says, “you’re going to freak out.”

On the screen Emma watches a girl superimposed in front of her own YouTube video, nodding and pointing at text boxes—“Girl has a point,” says one box; “wtfBIRDS??!!??” says another—but she can’t stand it anymore and turns away.

“I would think,” she says quietly, “that what I had to say might be more interesting to you than some random’s reaction video.”

“It’s notrandom.This is Kiara Chang. She has a jillion followers!”

“A jillion is not a real number. And you’re still missing the point. You don’t think I’m serious,” Emma says. “You don’t think I’m going to do it.”

“Of course I don’t think you’re going to do it,” Jade said, “because you’re not totally fucking insane. You’re just going through a hard time right now, and you’re, like, acting out.”

“And when did you get your degree in psychology?”

“Oh, Emma,” Jade says, “don’t be like that. You’re not going to set yourself on fire. You’re just not. You’re not like that Buddhist bloke that Mr. Jackson told us about—”

“Thích Qu?ng Ðú’c,” Emma interjects, and yes, that is exactly who she is like. Or … wants to be.

“Yeah, him, you’re not going to burn in the middle of a street somewhere!”

That’s right, I’m going to do it here on campus.

“I love you,” Jade says pleadingly, but her eyes are still on her phone, watching as some influencer’s reaction to Emma’s video gets more views than the original. “You know I do.”

“Love you too,” Emma says hollowly.

“Walk with me to first period. Talk tome,darling, not to strangers on the Internet. I care about the earth too. I care about all of it! But mostly I care about you. I don’t want to see you acting like this.”

Emma shakes her head. She can’t deal with Jade right now; she can’t deal with anyone. “I have to run back to my room. I forgot my graphing calculator. You know how mad Brighouse gets when we’re not prepared.”

“Oh,” Jade says, her face falling a little. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you at lunch, right?”

“Right,” Emma says, and she hurries away before Jade can say anything else.

She cuts across the grass, which students aren’t supposed to do, because she doesn’t want to meet anyone on the paths. She passes under a magnolia tree, and the white blossoms fill the air with sweetness.

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