Page 157 of We Are All Guilty Here

“I sold it to a hooker for 600 bucks in California.”

“I’ll take cash this time, smartass. You’re not gonna leave me holding a bad check again.”

Jude’s only surprise was that she wasn’t demanding interest. “How’d they pull it off, Millie? Myrna just showed up with—”

“Shush!” Millie pressed a gnarled finger to Jude’s lips, forcing her to stop. Then she stumbled across the room with her arms out like Frankenstein, presumably to catch herself if she fell. She grabbed onto the bedside table. Picked up the remote control, pointed it at the TV.Gunsmokeflickered on the screen. Miss Kitty and Doc were standing by a stagecoach. Millie turned up the volume to an uncomfortable level. She dropped the remote, then shuffled back across the room.

Jude picked up where she’d left off. “Myrna just showed up with a newborn and no one asked questions?”

“What’s to ask?” Millie demanded, as if the very idea was insulting. “Myrna slipped on some ice and broke her leg while she and I were visiting the Coleman cousins. Found out she was pregnant when we took her to the doctor. Gerald drove her home so she could recover. We told everybody she was laid up in bed, couldn’t come down the stairs. I stopped by every day to check on her. People dropped off casseroles and pies, but you know how ornery she could be. There weren’t that many clamoring to see her in person.”

Jude knew that part, at least, was the truth. “It was really that simple?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Millie shrugged off the lies. “Gerald told everybody Emmy Lou came out before he could get Myrna to the hospital. Uncle Rudy rustled up a birth certificate. I put the announcement in the paper. Taybee’s Mama donated one of her old baby pictures. Aunt Pauline let Myrna take a year off school to be with her. Emmy Lou was big for her age, but Uncle Enoch reminded everybody the Colemans run large.”

Jude had forgotten how easily Cliftons lied for other Cliftons. “And just like that, I disappeared.”

“That’s the deal you made.” Millie stabbed her finger at Jude’s chest. “All right, little miss. It’s my turn now. You broke your word. Gerald’s dead, but Myrna’s still here. At least her body is. Why are you back? State your purpose.”

Jude wanted to laugh in her granny apple doll face. “I don’t answer to you.”

“Who else is gonna listen? It’s just me and Nate now. Everybody else is dead. Nobody knows you dropped her off and never looked back.”

Jude struggled to keep her voice down. “Do you know how many times I wanted to come home?”

Millie snorted in disbelief.

Trying to justify herself to this noxious old woman was an exercise in madness, but Jude couldn’t stop herself. She had stalked Emmy for years through theNorth Falls Heraldand Celia and Tommy’s Facebook pages. She had made so many plans, bought so many plane tickets, written so many emails and letters that she’d never sent.

“I knew that she was happy,” Jude said. “I knew that Dad kept his promise to stay sober. That he took care of her. That Mom loved her unreservedly. That Tommy and Celia enveloped her in safety. That she had a beautiful, amazing son—my grandson. And I sacrificed what I wanted, what I longed for, what I needed to heal myself, because I didn’t want to blow that up. For her sake. For Cole’s. For theirs.”

“Well, aren’t you a saint?”

“You’re goddam right I am.” The anger sparked on its own. Millie had only known Martha the child. She’d never met Jude the woman. “Why do you think I haven’t told her? She just lost Gerald fourteen days ago. For the past six years, she’s been losing the only person she’s ever known as her mother. I’m not going to walk in after four decades and try to replace Myrna. She doesn’t deserve that. Mom raised a beautiful, smart, wonderful girl. She’s earned whatever peaceful death she can have.”

“Look who suddenly wants to be a good daughter.”

“If you can’t see that I have always loved my parents, then you don’t understand how love works.”

Millie cocked a thin eyebrow. “You’re never gonna tell her?”

“What would be the point?” The question had been on Jude’s mind since she’d arrived in Clifton. She had decided that she was the only person who would benefit from the truth, which meant there was no benefit at all. “If I can be in Emmy’s life as her sister, that’s enough. And if you’re looking for me to pay penance, you of all people know that sometimes knowing a secret is harder than keeping it.”

“I guess you learned that psycho-babble horseshit over in California.” Millie was scowling again, but at least she was backing down. “I’ll give you one bit of advice, toots. You better mind your p’s and q’s around that girl. She’s smarter than you. She’s gonna figure out what happened. And then what are you going to do?”

Jude gave up. “I don’t know, Millie. She’s got a lot of shit going on in her life. Maybe we can help each other.”

“Oh, no!”

They both turned at the sound of Myrna’s voice.

“Look!” She was pointing at the television. “Chester fell off his horse.”

“He’s okay!” Millie shouted. “He’s getting back on! He’s fine!”

Jude barely heard the exchange. Myrna was finally awake. She was looking at Jude. A polite smile was on her lips. Jude smiled back, but there was no glimmer of recognition. Her mother could’ve been looking at a member of staff or a stranger who’d happened by. The moment lasted no more than a second. Myrna’s gaze skipped back to the television.

“Stupid to get your hopes up like that.” Millie never missed a chance to twist the knife. She stumbled toward the remote to adjust the sound to a more tolerable level. “She doesn’t know you from Adam’s housecat.”

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