Page 102 of Not Fooling Anyone

I should’ve gone over and inspected, but there’s no way I could’ve gotten that close. I would’ve retched all over his bed if I had.

I just… I can’t believe this. How fooled I was. How deceived. He said I could trust him.

There’s a cracking sensation in my chest, tears stinging my eyes, and I grip the steering wheel tighter, focusing on anything but what’s going on inside.

I got in too deep. This is why I keep my distance from others. Because they inevitably disappoint you. They let you down. You want them to be one way, but it turns out they’re not. And that’s on me for believing otherwise.

I won’t get involved with anyone doing drugs. Not after what happened with Mom. I can’t go through that again. Especially not with someone I actually care about.

I shake my head, blowing out a long breath, the tears receding. I have to protect myself. That’s rule number one. I can’t get dragged into whatever mess he has going on. It’s only a one-way ticket downhill. I saw it happen firsthand.

My bag vibrates from the passenger seat, my stomach dropping. My car is too old to have a bluetooth connection that tells me who it is on the phone, but I know soul-deep who it is. Who else would call me after I unexpectedly ran out of his house? As far as he knows, we were about to fuck. Now he’s left with a hard-on and no girl.

Serves him right.

Still, I can’t ghost him. I see him all the time. In class, at the Psych lab, at the boxing gym. I have to finish the study with him. We’d gotten paid today for completing over half—a nice chunk of change I’d immediately taken to the bank to deposit. Added with the paycheck I got from Marty tonight, that’s enough to cover rent.

The phone stops vibrating but picks up again a few seconds later. I ignore it, waiting till I’m parked in front of my apartment to look at it.

Two missed calls and two texts. At least there’s no voicemail to listen to. Hearing his voice right now… I don’t think I could handle it.

I open the first text, taking a shuddering breath.

Ethan:Are you okay? Mia said you were sick.

The second has me sniffling, though.

Ethan:Please just let me know you’re okay.

How am I supposed to reconcile the sweet, caring guy I know with a drug user? With someone who lies to me, even if it is by omission?

I type out a reply, my fingers fumbling on the screen.

Me:I’ll be okay. Felt ill suddenly. See you in class.

It’s all technically the truth. I did feel ill. I will see him in class. And eventually, I’ll be okay.

It’ll just hurt a while until I get to that point.

I stuff my phone back in my bag and head inside, dropping my backpack on the floor as soon as I enter. There’s no way I’m finishing up the homework I still need to do before my classes tomorrow.

“Hey, girl,” Travis says from the couch. “You’re home late.”

I make a noncommittal noise, focusing on getting to my room so I can collapse on the bed.

“Were you at Ethan’s?” he asks in a sing-song voice. He’s teasing me, the kind of thing friends do. He’d been delighted to discover us half-dressed in the living room Monday night. That I’m finally showing interest in someone.

I’d told him this morning how great things are, how I’m on cloud nine, how close I feel to Ethan.

Well, not so much anymore.

I stop in my tracks, his question paralyzing me.

“Lexie?” he asks, a frown on his face as he gets up from his spot. “You okay?”

The same as Mia asked. As Ethan asked.

No, actually. I’m not okay. Maybe someday. But not right now.

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