Page 107 of Sort of Seeing Someone

This is all so meta, but she has a point. Esther never really mentioned a man...

“Nora gave you my spell book I heard,” my mom interjects before my head has a chance to explode. “I had asked her to burn it all those years ago. I guess something in her couldn’t do it and I’m actually really grateful she confessed that to me recently. I loved that thing. And I’m glad it has a home with you now. Do you have any questions?”

Do I have any questions?

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’tanyoneever tell me? About Exexveei. About being special. About the reason you got divorced. About Sedona, your sisterhood, why you never answer the phone. I guess I have a lot of questions.”

My mom anchors her plastic spoon in her softening ice cream and takes a breath. I think she was hoping I’d ask her what her favorite sage is now that palo alto is so hard to come by.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” I backpedal. “I’m just really—”

“Mad?”

“Curious,” I clarify.

Her shoulders relax.

“It’s complicated,Moonie. I knewExexveeiwas coming for you, but secretly was hoping it would skip you if we never spoke about it, never practiced it, and if I moved far, far away from you.Exexveeiis magical. But it can ruin things. Being special is a hard thing to understand in a world that’s not always keen on wanting to understand hard things.”

“But even if it did skip me, don’t you think I deserved to know just who my own mother is? Who my sisters are? The truth about why my dad left us? Up until recently, I didn’t even know where you really lived. Did you just peg me for one of those people who wouldn’t understand?”

My mind quickly flashes to how things imploded with Ollie.

“I carry a lot of shame,” my mom says. “Something about me is what broke up this family. After that happened, I wanted you to have a shot at normal life. So I did what I thought would make that possible. I created distance. I created an intentional wedge in an effort to protect you. You may have thought I was too busy to pick up my phone, too distracted to come home for the holidays, but that wasn’t the case. I thought about you and missed you every step of the way.”

I nod my head. There was nothing in her spell book to guide her as a mother in a situation like this, she was doing the best she could.

“I wish I could have had the confidence you do, Moonie. I would have loved to open a metaphysical shop by the ocean back in the day.”

“So you still think I should lean into this life? Even though it caused you so much shame and Nora and Liv are living happy lives by totally sidelining it?”

“Yes. Go for it. It will be a hit, I can see it now…”

Other parents would suggest making a pros and cons list and a forecasting model in Excel. But as I know firsthand, putting in X doesn’t always get you Y.

We get up to throw out our empty ice cream cups. My mom hands me a crumpled five-dollar bill from her tote bag.

“I don’t need you to pay me back for the ice cream,” I say, pushing her money away.

“This isn’t for the ice cream,” she explains. “I want to be your first sale. Send me an agate crystal when you’re up and running, promise?”

My mind flashes to the crystal book I bought from Angeline way back when this whole thing started.

Agate: a soothing stone that helps in the strengthening of relationships.

“I promise,” I say before pocketing the cash.

30

Chapter Thirty

My mom spent the night with me in my Airbnb. I can’t say it was a move for comfort, as she probably would have had just the same amount of space on her bus as the cramped studio I rented. But for what it’s worth, I am utterly warmed knowing she chose me after playing ““keep away” from me forthe last several years. I have an understanding now as to why, as well as empathy for how hard it must be to just jump back into mother-daughter mode. Still, we had a good time channel surfing, sharing a bowl of popcorn, and setting up an online dating profile—for her.But best of all, there was talk of the future. I’ll be joining her on a vortex hunt next month.

With a full heart, I saw my mom off on her commune’s RV before it peeled out of OB en route to Sedona early this morning after a little bit of yoga in the sand. I still don’t claim to fully understand the visit to her past life she’s making, but I hope—for her sake—the guy isn’t a total quack.

Back at the Airbnb, I spot a yellowed envelope with a neon pink Post-it on it sitting on the kitchen counter. In my mom’s handwriting, it says on the note:I knew I could never send this to you. So glad I held on to it long enough to just…give it to you. -XO Mom

I slide my finger under the seal that has all but given up its sticking power over the years. The letter inside is also in my mom’s handwriting, which has not changed in—according to the date in the upper right corner—the last 26 years.

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