Page 53 of Ride the Wave

‘You make it sound… spiritual,’ I murmur.

‘It is. Bet you’re wishing you had your phone recording now.’

‘You have no idea.’ I swallow. ‘Leo, I’ve never been good at letting go.’

‘That doesn’t surprise me, London,’ he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. ‘I read this cool thing once that I reckon might help. Something like, “There’s a freedom found in forgetting to stop and wait at the edge of a ridge, peering down at what’s to come – instead, you keep going, fully present in the moment, conquering and falling all at once.”’ He hesitates. ‘I may have got some of the words wrong.’

Closing my eyes, I break into a smile. ‘You got most of them right.’

‘I’ve never quoted a line to its author before.’

‘I’ve never been quoted before.’

‘Now thatdoessurprise me,’ he says. ‘That ski article really was something. I hope the surf one will measure up. Guess a lot of that is down to me.’

My eyes flash open as a fresh rush of determination runs through my body.

Swivelling to face him, I clench my fists, taking a deep breath. ‘Leo, I need to tell you something. Something… personal. But I think you need to know.’

‘Okay.’

‘When I was fourteen, I was on holiday in Cornwall with my family. We used to go there a lot in the summer and we’d go with family friends, so there was a crew of kids my age. We used to hang out a lot, chill at the beach, swim in the sea. I was a strong swimmer; I loved it.’

I take a moment to steel myself in telling the story, but Leo doesn’t flinch. He waits patiently.

‘I… I was trying to impress this guy. There was this dare to swim out to the furthest buoy and swim back. No one wanted to go out that far. The sea wasn’t calm, we shouldn’t have even considered it. But we were idiots, and it turned out I was the biggest one.’

A muscle in his jaw twitches. He knows what’s coming, but he waits for me to tell it.

‘I thought I could do it. I was the best swimmer in the group. I ignored the warnings and I went out and I kept going. But I got into trouble.’ It’s hard to get the words out as a lump rises in my throat, the memory seeping into my head. ‘I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I remember being dragged under and that feeling of powerlessness. I couldn’t breathe, I wasn’t sure which way was up, it was disorientating and terrifying and so… dark and quiet and…’

I have to stop for a moment to gulp in some air, my mind racing. I press a hand against my heart as it pounds heavily.

‘Hey, it’s okay,’ Leo says in barely more than a whisper. ‘Deep breaths.’

When I look in his eyes, I notice something different about them – a tenderness that wasn’t there before. I’m determined to finish. It’s the only way I have a chance of moving on from this, so I keep going with my story, no matter how much my chest aches.

‘I thought I was going to die there alone, swallowed up into nothingness. Obviously, you can see that everything turned out fine.’ I attempt a nervous smile, lifting a shaky hand to push my hair back from my face. ‘I managed to come up for air and the lifeguard came out to help me back, but since then I… I haven’t been able to go in the sea. I look out there and,’ I gesture at the water, ‘all I feel is panic. The same panic I felt then.’

I drop my head.

He doesn’t say anything for a moment, letting the story sink in.

‘Thank you for telling me,’ he says eventually in a tone that I’m not sure I’ve heard him use before: low and protective. ‘I’m sorry that happened to you. Iris, you don’t have to go in the water. Just by being here, you’ve done brilliantly already.’

‘No, that’s not… that’s not why I told you that,’ I say, bringing my eyes up to meet his. ‘I want to try. I want to find a way of going in the water again. I just don’t know how.’

He nods, putting his hands on his hips and squinting out at the ocean with a pensive expression while I catch my breath.

‘You think I’m a hopeless case?’ I ask, nudging the board on the sand with my toe.

‘No,’ he says firmly without a moment’s hesitation. ‘I think we go about this differently, that’s all.’

‘How?’

‘First, we re-introduce you to the water. Then when you feel a little more confident, we see how you feel about getting on the board. One step at a time. Sound good?’

I nod.

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