Page 104 of Ride the Wave

‘When I picked you up at the airport, I could tell something was wrong,’ she recalls, staring me down so intently, I feel like a teenager who’s been caught rifling through her alcohol cabinet – which, incidentally, did happen once or twice. ‘I asked you on the journey home if something had happened, and if you were okay, and you said to me you were fine.’

‘Mum—’

‘Over the past two weeks, when you’ve been moping about the place, I’ve asked you several times if there’s anything wrong, and you’ve said that everything isfine.’

‘Yes, because everything is fine,’ I say with a nervous laugh.

She tilts her head at me. ‘Iris, I’m your mum. You can pretend with everyone else, and most of the time, I’ll pretend along with you if I think that’s the way you want to handle it. But not this time. This time, I’m calling you out.’

I give her a strange look. ‘Okay, what is happening here? I have no idea—’

‘You like this man,’ she says, gesturing to the feature print-out. ‘Don’t you?’

My jaw drops open. I’m stunned into silence.

‘I thought there was something different about the way you talked about him on the phone when you were out there,’ she continues, swiping non-existent dust off the knee of her cream trousers. ‘Something about your voice and your tone, it felt that he was… becoming someone to you. More than an interviewee. You have this wonderful ability to capture the essence of someone in your writing – it’s a real talent, you know – but in this piece, you’ve captured more than that.’

‘Mum, I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I croak, my weak smile wavering.

‘There’s so muchheartin this piece,’ she says plainly, causing my breath to catch. ‘Did you fall for this young man, Iris?’

‘No, no, course not.’ I run a hand through my hair. ‘Gosh, if you’re reading all this into it then I have somemajorediting to do. I mean, I admire him, sure. He’s an amazing athlete and a really… a really beautiful surfer.’ I get to my feet to start pacing back and forth, too fidgety to sit still. ‘And you can tell from his quotes that he’s smart and kind – guarded at first, who wouldn’t be? When you’ve been through what he has. But then, beneath that he’s… he’s wonderful. A really wonderful person.’

Mum doesn’t say anything. She hasn’t moved an inch. She’s watched me tread up and down the room, her back straight, her hands clasped neatly in her lap. As ever, my mother is unfazed. I, on the other hand, have become flustered, desperate to get out of this conversation. Putting my hands on my hips, I glance at the clock on the mantlepiece.

‘Anyway, time for lunch? I’m starving,’ I lie, knowing I couldn’t eat a thing.

‘Iris, you told me that I could talk to you about the house and the divorce if I needed,’ Mum says, giving me a stern look. ‘I know that saying things out loud often means accepting them, and that is daunting. But I really appreciated you letting me know that when it came to it, you would be there. I need you to know that that works both ways. So, here I am, sitting in front of you, telling you that it’s okay.’

‘What is?’

‘To open your heart to someone else.’

I swallow, my chest tightening so badly, I place a hand against it to try to ease the growing anguish. I feel jittery and unsteady. Moving back to the sofa, I lower myself down.

‘If you really don’t want to talk about it, then that’s all right, I understand,’ Mum continues. ‘But if ever you do want to talk to someone, I’m here. And I don’t care how much you deny it,’ she gives me a sly smile, ‘I know you like him.’

I grimace. ‘God.’ Resting my elbows on my knees, I sink my face into my hands. ‘I can’t believe it’s that obvious in the feature. I’ll have to re-write it.’

‘It’s not obvious to anyone but me,’ she assures me. ‘Flora might catch on. But to anyone else, this is a fantastic article about a remarkable person, nothing more. The thing is, I know you, Iris. I know how you write and I know how good you are at keeping a distance. But in this case,’ she sighs, ‘you let yourself go all in.’

‘I’m such a fucking idiot,’ I say, my voice muffled in my palms.

‘Language,’ she scolds sharply.

‘Sorry.’ I lower my hands to look up at her with an apologetic smile. ‘Mum, I made a big mistake.’

‘How so?’

Deciding to give in, I exhale, slumping back on the cushions. I have to admit I already feel a small sense of relief that someone else knows. Carrying this around for the past few weeks has taken its toll. Finally, I get to talk about him. About what he’s meant to me.

‘I think there was an attraction between us quite early on, a bit of… tension, you know? A spark,’ I begin, chewing on my lip. ‘We got to know each other a bit better and when he let me know that he was interested, even though I knew I shouldn’t even consider the idea, I couldn’t… I couldn’t help it.’ My mind flits back to the moment in the lift and a thrill rolls down my spine at the memory. ‘I let him know that I liked him too.’

Mum nods. ‘I see.’

‘And it was great,’ I say quietly, my stomach clenching. ‘It was fun and romantic and… perfect. We both knew it couldn’t last, though, for so many reasons. It never should have started in the first place. I was such an idiot to let myself…’

I trail off.

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