Page 102 of Ride the Wave

‘You… you said that I made you forget yourself,’ I answer quietly.

He nods, his expression softening. ‘Yes. It’s true, you make me forget myself. That made me a little scared at first. But now…’ he takes a deep breath in, before puffing all the air out his cheeks ‘…it makes me fucking terrified.’

The silence that falls between us is broken only by the sound of the waves rolling and breaking as they near the shore, the kind of comforting background noise I’ve become accustomed to over the last three weeks. But I don’t feel comforted now. I’ve never been more on edge, frozen to the spot as I wait for him to explain what the fuck he’s talking about.

‘I’m starting to understand what that means,’ he continues, his shoulders relaxing a little, as though it’s a relief for him to say this out loud. ‘It means that for the first time in my life, I’m with someone who doesn’t make me feel like I need to be anyone more than I am. So I don’t care that it’s only been a few weeks, I don’t give a shit about playing it cool, because the thing is,’ he breaks into a wide grin, his eyes twinkling at me, ‘you make me fucking happy, London. Deliriously happy. So happy, I genuinely do forget myself.’

I realise that my mouth has dropped open while he’s been talking. I’m staring at him in disbelief, my heart thudding at an alarming speed, my stomach knotting.

Oh my God.

‘I don’t want to say goodbye to you,’ he adds, a fierce determination in his eyes. ‘And the reason I’ve been avoiding you tonight is because I’ve been torn about how to possibly handle everything I’m feeling whilst looking you in the eye and wishing you luck before you get on a plane away from me tomorrow. Then, your speech…’ he swallows, giving a nervous smile ‘…it gave me a bit of hope. Maybe you feel the same too.’

My blood is pounding so loud in my ears, I’m not sure I’m hearing him right.

And I’m way too stunned to form any kind of words right now. The way he’s looking at me, so earnest and sincere, his eyes bright with excitement, it’s more than my brain can handle. My mind is racing, desperately trying to make sense of what he’s saying.

‘I’m flying to Australia in a couple of weeks to spend some time surfing there before the contest,’ he continues, closing the gap between us by taking another step towards me. ‘After twelve years, I’m going back to where it all began and do my best to finally make everyone proud of me.’ He looks so vulnerable suddenly, his expression full of worry, his hunched-over frame radiating his self-doubt. ‘I’m scared, Iris – I’m scared of the people from my past that I’ll have to face, of the people I let down, of what everyone will say about me. I feel like I need to do this, but I also don’t know if I can.’

My trembling hands ache to reach out to him. ‘Leo, of course you can.’

‘Maybe. Maybe if you were there with me.’ He smiles nervously at me. ‘Come with me to Australia.’

I inhale sharply.

‘I know it’s a lot to ask,’ he says, his eyes searching mine. ‘You don’t need to worry about having to ask the magazine for permission or anything; I’ll pay for your ticket, whatever you need. But I think… I need you out there with me. I need to know when I paddle out to the waves that you’re going to be on the shore when I come back in.’

‘Leo,’ I croak, my voice hoarse and wavering, ‘Ican’t.’ I lift my hand to rub my forehead, as if that might help sensible thoughts to form into sensible sentences that will come out of my mouth. ‘My work…’

‘You need an ending for your feature. Why wouldn’t you be there at Bells Beach to get it for yourself?’

‘Toni made it clear that wasn’t on the cards. Leo, even if I didn’t ask the magazine to get me there, she would know what was going on between us. Everyone would know. Your mum…’ I bite my lip. ‘It wouldn’t go down well. I can’t get blacklisted by the head of Bind Inc.; it would really affect my career. And I can’t take time off work like that; I’m already behind on pitching for new commissions. It would be too reckless and… stupid. It just—’

I groan, burying my head in my hands. I feel his warm fingers wrap around my wrists, gently lowering my hands so I’m forced to look right up into his glistening, brown eyes.

‘Is it so bad to be reckless?’ he asks, his voice low and soft. ‘That’s how this is meant to be, isn’t it?’

‘We haven’t known each other that long,’ I remind him, desperately trying to convince myself as much as him that this is a bad idea. ‘You might get tired of me. You’d regret inviting me all the way out there. Things would go wrong.’

He’s shaking his head as I’m talking, his hand reaching up to cup my cheek. ‘No.’

‘You don’t know what might happen. It could go bad.’

‘Fine, I don’t know what could happen further down the line, but, for me, it’s worth the risk,’ he states. ‘All the important things are.’

‘Oh God,’ I break into a wobbly smile, ‘you’re about to give a surfing analogy, aren’t you.’

‘See? We may not know each other that long, but you’ve sure got the measure of me. Here it is, one surfing analogy coming right up.’ He grins. ‘London, if I didn’t take any chances, I would never ride any waves. Take this one with me.’

Exhaling a shaky breath, I close my eyes, his fingers brushing my hair back from my face. I wasn’t prepared for this. It’s too sudden, too soon.

‘Hey,’ he says, prompting me to open my eyes to gaze into his, ‘you don’t have to make a decision now. I know that I’m asking a lot of you. But will you think about it?’

I cannot fly to Australia to be with Leo Silva. The risk is too great; the stakes are too high. But I also can’t tell him that now, not when he’s right here in front of me, looking at me so earnestly, it feels as though he might crumple if I say no. I can’t tell him that when I can smell the wafts of his cologne in the salty breeze, a scent so intoxicating and comforting it makes me want to jump into his arms and stay there forever.

I’ll tell him when I’m back in England, when my heart isn’t aching for him, when my legs aren’t trembling, when the butterflies in my stomach have dissolved. I’ll tell him when everything is back to how it should be and this is all over.

‘Okay, Leo,’ I say quietly. ‘I’ll think about it.’

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