Page 79 of Falling in Between
“You know,” she huffs. “You forget to mention some pretty crucial details sometimes. Why didn’t you tellme?”
“Why wouldI?”
“Because, stuff like that guarantees you’re going to fall in love. That whole wanting what we can’t have crap. Why would you ever—” The lightbulb goes off, and her expression falls to a deep frown. “Oh! You thought it was safebecausehe was leaving.” She pats my knee like she’s consoling a small child, then she unexpectedly throws her arms around me. “That sucks, babe. Itdoes.”
I think about losing Elijah. I think about leaving Steph and Dani. Something inside me snaps, and I fall apart, silently crying on Steph’s shoulder. When my breath catches, I feel Steph tense. She slowly pulls away to look at me, and I’m pretty sure if she hadn’t just gotten injections, there would be a huge crease in herforehead.
“Oh, Charlie,” she says, then hugs me again. This time so hard I can barelybreathe.
I didn’t cry when the first guy I dated broke up with me. I didn’t cry when Harold cheated on me. I’ve never cried over a broken heart, and I guess maybe that’s because to have one you must truly be inlove.
I quickly collect myself, wiping the tears from my face before I move away from her. “It’s fine,” I say. “I’m just angry at myself for getting involved, and I’m tired of thinking about it.” I grab the remote and turn on the TV, flipping right to season four ofDexter.
“So, this is how you’re going to handle it?” she says, glancing toward the screen. “Watch a sexy, vigilante serial killer while you down a pint of icecream?”
“Yep.” I fall back against the cushion and rest my bare feet on the coffeetable.
“Seems aboutright.”
We get halfway through the first episode and nearly all the way through our tubs of ice cream before the doorbellrings.
“Pizza!” Steph sets her ice cream on the coffee table, clapping her hands as she jumps up and rushes to thedoor.
I pauseDexter.
Ding-dong. Knock. Knock.Knock.
Steph looks over her shoulder. “He’s an impatient little pizza guy, isn’the?”
I’m staring at that blank, psychotic stare Michael Hall has down to an art when the hinges to the doorcreak.
“Um,” Steph says. “You’re not the pizzaguy.”
I glance away from the TV, and she takes a step back. My heart clenches. Elijah’s large frame fills the doorway. Even from across the room his hazel eyes manage to pin me to the spot, and Iswallow.
“How old are you?” he says, annoyance lacing his tone. He ignores Steph and crosses the threshold, his posture stiff. His jaw set. “I’ve called you threetimes!”
“So…” Steph points toward the hall. “I’m just going to go in your room and… Yeah…” She nods, then quickly disappears into the hallway. Seconds later, the bedroom door bangsclosed.
I still have my tub of ice cream in one hand, my spoon in the other when Elijah stops beside the couch. “If you don’t want to go…” He takes the ice cream and spoon and places them on the coffee table. “Just say it, but don’t ignore me.” He’s upset, stressed.Scared.
So am I. I want to go, but the risk. The risk… I can’t justify that risk for something as uncertain as a love affair with a beautiful man. “I… I have a job, Elijah, I can’tjust—”
“Come.” His nostrils flare while his eyes search mine. “We’ll feel things out. See what happens.” He sounds desperate for me to say yes, and my heart certainly feels desperate. Sighing, he drags a hand over his stubble-covered jaw. “I’m not so vain to think this couldn’t end, but I’m hopeless enough to believe that itwon’t.”
Those words cause my muscles to go lax and my breath to catch in my throat. “I can’t leave like that,” I say. “I have clients and… I have responsibilities,Elijah.”
His jaw tenses before he abruptly turns his back to me. I panic when he starts toward the door. The irrational romantic in me wants to jump up and run to him, throwing my arms around his neck and telling him I’d follow him to the ends of the world for just one more week of this. The pragmatic side of me is begging me to stay put. And then, the broken piece of my soul I try to keep locked away begins to take jabs.He said he would stay. He’s not. He’s leaving you because you aren’t enough. Anger bubbles inside. I push up from the sofa, my hands in tight fists at myside.
“This isn’t fair!” I say, and he turns around. “You’re asking me to abandon my entire life while you give upnothing.”
“You have no idea what I plan to sacrifice for you!” He opens the door, and my chest goes tight. “There’s a ticket for you with Delta. The ten-fifty flight to London-Heathrow. Avoid it until the last minute if youwant.”
Before I can say another word, the door slams. My insides shake. My pulse goes haywire, and tears build in my eyes. This should be simple. It should be easy, but love is never anything less thancomplicated.
Steph comes scrambling back into the living room. “Oh, my God!” She clutches her chest and pouts. “Are you kidding me?” She points at the door. “Are you fuckingkiddingme?”
I cover my face with my hands, refusing to break twice in onenight.
