Page 72 of Whiskey Lullaby
“Fuck,” he groaned, my body still tensing around him. “Just…fuck, Hannah.” I watched him. When he let go, his eyes slammed shut and his lips opened before his chin dropped to his chest on a low growl. I wanted to believe I was the only person who’d ever seen him look like that. I wanted to believe I was the only girl who could make him feel that good. Noah collapsed onto the bed beside me, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling while dragging his fingers through his damp hair. “Youare…”
I was still breathless. “What?”
“There are no words.Nowords.”
It felt right. So damn right to have given myself to him. I wanted that part of me to forever belong to him because he made mefeel.We laid in silence for a few minutes before he took a deep breath and dragged me onto his chest. “Promise me,” he said. “Promise me that no matter what happens between us, we’ll stay friends. I can’t loseyou.”
The buzz circulating through me faded. I suddenly became very aware that I was still naked in his bed.Stay… friends?“Yeah.Sure.”
“What?” He shifted underneath me. “What’s the matter? It felt good, didn’tit?”
My chest tightened. “Yeah.”
He kissed my forehead. “Good. I want it to feel good foryou.”
I swallowed. There was a storm of questions swirling in my head, a whirlwind of worries. After another deep breath, he patted my back and moved out from underneath me, yanking the condom off on his way to the bathroom. I watched him cross the room, watched the muscles of his back catch in the moonlight streaming in through the window. The mind is a funny thing. A master trickster. Moments before, I had been convinced what we shared was the ultimate act of love, but there I laid, contemplating what it really was. I glanced at the condom wrapper on his nightstand, then down to the half-opened drawer before I sat up enough to peek inside at the opened box of condoms. A few packets lay scattered around it, one of them obviously open and empty. My stomach knotted, and I laid back on the pillow before dragging a hand down myface.
When Noah came out of the bathroom, he crawled into bed next to me, draping his arm around me. I wanted to ask him what we were, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Not that night. I just wanted to lay in the dark, against his warm body and pretend that I wouldn’t regret what I’d justdone.
32
Noah
Hannah fell asleep, but Icouldn’t.
My head was in a tailspin of confusion. I’d never felt so connected to a person, and that scared me shitless. Love hadn’t proven to be too fond of me, and I’d done my best at staying far away from feeling for anyone aside from Grandma. But fate didn’t give me much of a choice with Hannah, it kept throwing her in my face, and I couldn’t ignore her. Someone with a soul as refreshing as hers, any man would be a fool not to fall forher.
I sighed, breathing in the scent of her hair. Amber and vanilla. I almost laughed. Nothing sexy. Nothing sensual. Just pure like her. I almost—almost—slipped up and told her I loved her. The words were on the tip of my tongue when I slid inside her, it felt right to say, but fear forced themback.
She was in a bad spot, dealing with her mom and all, and part of me couldn’t help but think that’s all I was—a way to ignore the shitty part of her life. After all, misery loves company and I’m sure hanging out with the likes of me had to make her feel like her life wasn’t so bad. The question was, should I keep falling for the girl I knew would wake up one day and realize she had no future with me? There wasn’t shit I could give her. Nothing.Unless that shit about Brice was legitimate, then maybe I could…And therein lay another issue, what the hell was I supposed to do about that? If he wanted me to go to Nashville, was I supposed to just throw that at her: Oh, I know your mom’s dying, but I have to move away for a little while. I groaned, staring at the ceiling. That’s something I didn’t need to bother her with unless something came of it, and besides, if it was just a load of shit, why make it look like I believed I was capable of something like that? No, I’d just keep my mouthshut.
Hannah rolled onto her back and I glanced over at her. The moonlight shining through the window bathed her face in a silver light. God, she was undeniably gorgeous. I didn’t need sex with her. I just needed her. It was too deep already, I knew that as I trailed a fingertip over her lips. She was asleep, so it was safe… “I love you, Hannah Blake,” I whispered. Those words felt so foreign on my tongue, but God, it was like I’d just confessed my sins to a priest. There was this sense of relief because I realized my cynical ass could love someone without even trying. It just had to be the rightperson.
______
When I woke that next morning, she wasn’t in the bed. I threw on some gym shorts, took a piss, and found her already dressed and sitting on the cinder block step in front of my house just staring out at Old Man’s junked-upyard.
When the door closed behind me, she startled. “Hey, you,” Isaid.
“Hey.”
“How long have you beenup.”
She shrugged a shoulder. Shit, I just knew she was regretting the night before. I took a seat next to her and snatched one of the tall weeds peeking up between the porch and the house. “I just have a lot on mymind.”
“Yeah…” I rubbed a hand over her back. “You okay about lastnight?”
She nodded. God, she was regretting it. “I mean, I just…” she huffed. “I don’tknow.”
“I never intended to do that, sleep with you,I—”
She laughed. “Wow, way to make a girl feelgood.”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” She jerked away from me a little. “Listen, it’s just, I care a lot aboutyou.”
“Yeah, and I care aboutyou.”
I swallowed. The uncomfortable heat of vulnerability crawled up my neck. There were two ways to find out how a girl felt about you: tell her point blank how you felt about her or make her think you didn’t care about her. If I told Hannah how I felt, she could have shot me down like a wounded bird, or worse, she may have felt forced to tell me she loved me too just to avoid hurtingme.
