Page 70 of Whiskey Lullaby
30
Noah
Fall 2016
When I lifted the beer bottle to my lips, it was empty. “Damnit.”
I grabbed two beers from the fridge, along with the stack of letters from the table, then went back to the living room and sunk down on my leather couch. When I popped the beer open, the metal lid went flying across the room and landed in front of the plasmaTV.
I took a large gulp, already aware that the half case in my fridge would most likely be gone before I finished those letters. I knew I’d feel like shit the next day, but some things weren’t meant to be digested sober and those—I glanced down to the handwritten pages—I needed to be as numb as I could to digestthose.
Noah,
You told me I’d hate you before it was all over, and maybe that should have been my first clue, you were already saying it wasn’t forever. But I believed in fate, Noah. Until you, I believed in fate and so many other things I no longer believein.
I blew a loud breath through my lips and chugged my beer. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure what bothered me the most: the fact that I gave into her when I knew better, or the fact that she gave into me when she knewbetter.
We only slept together once. One time. And maybe that’s part of it, I never toldyou.
Between the kisses and heavy breaths, I thought about it. I thought maybe I should tell you, but then the clothes came off and you ran your hands over my naked body, over every last curve and dip. You looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen, like you had to have me, and I didn’t want to ruinthat.
You took me. Claimed me—in ways you never knew.You are the only man I’ve ever sleptwith.
I stared at those words, my brow wrinkled. The only one? On a groan, I hung my head. If I’d only known. Jesus Christ, Hannah. Had I only known… And I went right back toreading.
I so badly wanted to go into detail here. I wanted to write every last movement. Every last breath, but, I don’t have to. Because you know what it feltlike.
The way my fingers raked through your thick hair when you laid down between my thighs. The way I squirmed when your mouth was on me. That first taste. How wet you made me? You remember what that felt like, don’t you? What it looked like when my back bowed away from the bed as your fingers sank into me so deep and hard. The desperation in my voice when I begged for you to be inside ofme.
You pinned my arms above my head when you finally sank inside of me. “Fuck,” you said, closing your eyes. A deep groan rumbled up your throat. And with each brutal thrust, I moaned. I dug my nails into your broad back and moaned, cursing underneath my breath because you felt so right even though you were so goddamn wrong. That was the thing about you, Noah. You always felt soright.
The next morning, I woke with your arm around me like that was how everything should have been. And in another life, I really believe itwas.
31
Hannah
Summer 2015
My phone rang the second I stepped into Noah’s house. As much as I wanted to direct it to voicemail when I saw it was my father, I couldn’t. If something had happened to Momma, I’d never forgivemyself.
“Hey.”
“Youalright?”
“Yes.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry, I was outta place, I’m just worried aboutyou.”
“Okay,Daddy.”
“I got your mother’s prescription. Gave her the pain meds and they seem to be helping…” My chest grew tight. Guilt perched on my shoulders like a heavy cross. I wanted to be with Noah, but I felt I should be there with her.God, what a horrible daughter Iam.
“Is sheasleep?”
“Yep. Been asleep for about an hour.” Noah walked to the hallway, bracing his arms in the doorway. The bottom of his shirt lifted just enough to show off the deep lines that disappeared below the waist of his jeans. “You cominghome?”
“In themorning.”
