Page 46 of Whiskey Lullaby
He laughed, ducking his chin to his chest. “Thefood.”
“Heck yeah, I’ve heard they have the best food.” Another plane engine fired up, whirring and buzzing as it started down therunway.
“And here I thought I had you figuredout.”
“What, you expected me to want to go for the lovey-dovey aspect of it?” I shook my head. “Please, I just want the baguettes and thechocolate.”
“Fair enough. Fairenough.”
“So… you know, maybe if you moved to Australia like you said you wanted to do, far away and all that jazz, then you could dive with the Great Whites—no cage of course— and get picked up by the Discovery Channel, in turn making millions of dollars and yadda yadda yadda. Kill three birds with onestone.”
The rumble of the plane lifting off whooshed over us, the wake blowing my hair across my face. I watched the plane climb with its passengers clearly visible through the tiny bubble windows, and I wondered where they were going, what they weredoing.
“I don’t know that Australia sounds like such a good idea anymore,” Noahsaid.
“Oh, and why’sthat?”
He grabbed my face, pulled me toward him, and pressed his lips over mine. “Because I’ve not had near enough of this yet, and I most certainly can’t find this in Australia.” He kissed me again, sweetly.Softly.
Hot air swirled around us when another plane passed overhead. That kiss felt like a promise, one that said I’d never find anyone like him ever again even if I searched the entireworld.
It wasa little after midnight when he dropped me off with a kiss goodnight. That blissful euphoria of the what might bes, the what could bes buzzed through me like an electric current, but that sense of happiness went out like a match in a thunderstorm the second I stepped inside and found Daddy sitting on the couch with a picture album opened on his lap and his eyes swollen from tears. Reality quickly set in and it made watching planes take off and stolen kisses seem sounimportant.
“Daddy,” I whispered before sitting on the sofa next to him. I put an arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder, breathing in the scent of Polo aftershave that always reminded me ofhim.
“I’m sorry,” he exhaled. “I just…” He swallowed, staring down at the page with a picture of me, Momma, and Bo putting cookies out for Santa. “I just don’t know how you lose someone that means so much.” His breath hitched. It’s a terrible feeling when someone you love hurts, when you know there’s nothing you can do to make things better. So instead of lying and telling him it would be okay, I saidnothing.
“She’s just such a good person, and I don’t…” He took a breath. “I don’t understandwhy.”
“There is no why,Daddy.”
He shook his head. “Go on to bed, babygirl.”
“I’m fine.” And I sat next to him as he flipped through the album and cried. Sometimes the worst part of losing someone is feeling alone. I didn’t want him to feelalone.
21
Hannah
The next morning, we were on our way to Birmingham to see Dr. Nabors. I sat in the stiff clinic room chair, listening to the statistics, digesting the small likelihood that she may live, while Daddy clutched her hand. Ten percent survival. That didn’t sound like a lot, but it was more than what she’d been given a few weeks before. So, we signed the consent form and she was scheduled to start treatment in twoweeks.
The ride home was quiet. Somber. I guess we were all thinking, or maybe trying toforget.
Noah’s truck was still there when Daddy pulled into the drive, but I didn’t look for him. There was too much chaos swimming in my head. The tightness growing in my chest made it hard to catch a full breath. Everything felt like it was pressing in on me. Daddy cut the engine, talking about what we’d have for dinner. Momma added something about sweetpotatoes.
They were discussing dinner like everything was normal, and even though I’d been trying to pretend everything was normal for the past month, I couldn’t do it any longer. Most of the time when reality hits, it hits like a devastating tsunami. Hard and swift, pulling you under and not letting go until nothing in your world is recognizable. And it hit me just like that.Ten percent.Panic wound through me, stinging like a shot of lidocaine. I climbed out of the car and subtly rubbed over my chest to try to ease the tension. I let Momma and Daddy get out and walk inside. When the door closed, I slowly started toward the field.The situation was hopeless.I walked faster. I was going to lose her.Faster. And by the time I reached the wooden fence, I was in a full sprint with my heart banging against my ribs. The sudden breeze rustled the long grass as my feet pounded on the ground. I ran faster in an attempt to outrace my thoughts, and I didn’t stop until I was staring into the thick bamboo that surrounded the property. My chest heaved, my lungs begged for air. I knew I was far enough away that they wouldn’t hear me, so I screamed. I screamed so loud my throat burned; so long that my voice grew hoarse. When I couldn’t scream anymore, I braced my hands on my knees. “I’m angry,” I said to myself, or maybe to God. “It’s not fair to do this to me.” I was on the brink of tears when someone’s hand landed on my back, and Ijumped.
“Hey,” Noah said, rubbing small circles over myshirt.
“I’mfine.”
“No, you’re not.” He walked around me and crouched down, scooping away the curtain of hair covering my face. “You’re not, and it’s okay to notbe.”
The last thing I wanted was to fall apart in front of him but to be honest, he was the only person I didn’t have to be strong for, and it’s better to break in someone’s arms than alone. A small sob caught in my throat when I fell into his arms, clinging to him like he was something that would save me. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and breathed in the scent of redwood and spice while I cried. I broke into a million, tiny pieces and Noah was the only thing holding metogether.
“You can’t keep it all in,” he whispered, stroking his hand over my hair. “I’ve got you, lady. I gotyou.”
And hedid.
