Page 43 of War Hope
24
Hope
Ihearsomeone knock on my door early in the morning but I refuse to get out of bed. Whoever it is goes away and I slump back against my pillows, wanting to bury myself in my duvet and never come out. My life feels like this eternal shower of shit raining down on me. In fact, no, it’s not. It’s just men. They can all go fuck themselves. I’m going to turn lesbian and live out my happy vag loving days without a single penis in sight.
A few hours later and someone is banging on the dooragain. I check my phone and see four missed calls from Poppy, one from Kyan. Fucks sake. I’m about to call Poppy back when I hear the hinges on the front door squeak open. A few seconds later and Poppy is standing in my bedroom doorway, her hands on her hips and judgment pouring off her. Of course, she has a key.
“It’s one o’clock. Why are you still in bed?” she asks. I groan and sit up, dragging my hand through my hair. “And you’re still wearing what you went out in last night,” she comments.
“Look, just…can we delay this caring little chat.” I know I’m being a snippy bitch but I just want to be left to sulk. Dear god, I sound like Finn. Maybe he’s rubbed off on me already.
Poppy sighs, flicking her long, dark hair over her shoulder. “What’s happened?”
“Nothing.”
“I know you, Hope, so cut the shit,” she says on a sigh.
I groan and pitch forward, face planting the duvet. “Finn and I—”
“About time!” she cuts in.
I sit up again and stare at her blankly. “He went down on me and then asked me to leave.”
Her eyes go wide before she schools her expression. “Oh, well….that’s…”
“Yeah, that’ssomething. That’s a load of shit is what that is. God, why am I so hopeless with men?” I flop back against my pillows with a huff. “It’s like they see me and just want to take a giant shit on me.”
“Did he say why?”
“Nope. Just freaked out. What is wrong with me?” I groan.
Poppy comes and lies on the bed next to me the same way we used to when we were teenagers. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Hope. You’re the best person I know and if Finn can’t see that, then he’s a dick.” I swallow the lump in my throat and emotions swirl around me in this volatile haze, not because of Finn. It’s him and Silas and just everything. Poppy wraps her arms around me and rests her head on my shoulder.
“Where’s the kid?” I ask.
“In the front room. He’s in his pram asleep.” She lifts her head, those blue eyes locking with mine. “You sure you’re okay?”
I nod and plaster a smile on my face. Fuck, look at me sulking about shitty boys to Poppy of all people. “I’m fine.”
She nods and kisses my cheek. “I have to go take Patrick swimming, but I’ll stop in later. Unless you want to come?”
I wrinkle my nose. “I am not getting in a pool full of babies dropping every bodily fluid known to man in a swimming pool.”
She just rolls her eyes, smiling as she gets up and leaves. I hear the front door click shut behind her and once again I’m alone.
* * *
Imanageto wash and feed myself at some point, and I’m chewing on a piece of toast when there’s a knock on my front door again.
“Poppy, I’m fine,” I say, opening the door. I pause when I see Finn standing there. He slowly lifts his gaze to mine. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets and his shoulders are hunched forwards.
“What do you want?”
He takes a deep breath. “Can I come in? We need to talk.”
I consider slamming the door in his face for a moment, but I don’t because my stupid, hurt little feelings need consoling. He steps inside and I close the door behind him, leaning my back up against it. I refuse to move into the room or offer him a seat. He can say what he has to say and leave.
“I’m sorry,” he says, running a hand through his hair.
