Page 36 of Crossing Lines

“Do you not want kids?” Zeki asks, Evren helping him up from the ground.

“I don’t know.” Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. I guess I’m more worried if I’ll ever find someone who’ll actually want me as I am. Mom always told me I was too much. Too loud, too sassy, too needy, too colorful, too…everything.

“Interesting,” Zeki says.

“How is that interesting?” I ask.

“Because Evren doesn’t want kids.”

Evren glares at his brother, and Zeki just smiles. “What? It’s not like it’s a secret.”

“I’m surprised,” I say. “I thought you’d want a horde of kids to take over your evil empire.”

“No,” Evren says, giving his back to me as he takes a bottle from the ground and chugs some water.

He doesn’t elaborate, and it makes me want to know why. He and Zeki seem close and it gives the impression that family is important to him. Never thought he’d be anti-kid.

“I’m going to borrow your shower,” Zeki says to Evren before jogging out of the garage.

When we’re alone, Evren stares at me. I stare back.

“Do you know how to defend yourself?” he asks, eventually.

“I can hold my own.”

“Why don’t you show me?”

There’s no reason for me to even entertain this idea, especially since Evren is clearly skilled. And yet, that doesn’t stop my stupid feet from moving without my consent towards him.

“Why?” I ask when we’re almost toe to toe. “You’re clearly trained and I’m not. So, what’s the point of this? You want to touch me so badly or something?”

He doesn’t react to my joke that wasn’t really a joke and says, “Because I need to know you’ll be okay if something happens.”

“Pfft, as if you care.”

“I care,” he says softly.

I ignore his words, not able, no, not wanting, to push the issue. There’s no good that can come from clarifying why he might care. I fully admit to being attracted to him, but he’s also too old and too rich for me. I’ve spent my entire childhood resenting the fact that my father was rich enough to give me a better life, and he didn’t. No one saved me except myself. Maybe it’s wrong to lump Evren into the same group as my father, but I can’t help it.

Instead of saying any of that, I settle on asking something random to deflect from his quiet admission. “Why don’t you want kids?”

“Does it matter?”

“I wouldn’t ask if it didn’t.”

He blows out a long breath. “Because I feel like I’ve already been a parent my entire life. I had to care for Zeki since he was born, and then my grandparents before they died, and then my mom after my dad died.”

“And who took care of you?”

He shakes his head, so subtly I almost miss it. A tightness constricts my chest at his confession. It sounds like we both had to grow up quickly and didn’t have a chance to just be a child. I wasn’t expecting to discover that we’ve both carried such heavy burdens, and now that I have,it’s like a tentative connection springs between us. One I’m not sure what to do with.

“I don’t know how to spar,” I confess, rocking back on my heels, needing something to break up whatever has sprung between us. “I’m more of a bar-fight or street-fight kind of girl.”

“That’s fine. Let me wrap your hands, and then your job is to try to land a punch on me.”

“That’s it?”

“Isn’t that enough?” he asks, picking up a roll of wrap from the floor.

---