Page 11 of What Happens in Dubai

‘So, how was your date?’ Ashley asked, clutching my arm tight as we dodged the cars.

‘Oh my god, Ash, his hair! It was completely silver – not at all like his pictures. He was really old.’

‘Shut up!’ Her face screwed up, unimpressed. ‘What a catfish! And what a bloody cheek. I can’t believe that – fucking creep, Zara! So, what time did you get home?’

‘Like half ten. I think.’ I shrugged my shoulders, still battling the wintery wind blowing directly into our faces.

‘Well, that’s not too late. I thought it would have been worse. You looked like shit this morning,’ she added, giving me a sarcastic smile with her bright teeth.

‘Well … I kind of brought him back to the flat though, didn’t I?’

‘No. You didn’t. Did you pump him?’ Ashley stopped, unlinking her arm, and held her hands to her mouth in shock. ‘Zara, did you pump a pensioner?’ Her voice seemed incredibly loud as she was ready to erupt into laughter.

I suddenly became paranoid about the stares of passers-by.

‘Shhh! Seriously, shhh, come on.’

We walked into Greggs and stood in line to be served. Ashley was still in need of more information.

‘Yes, I did,’ I whispered. ‘And I’m slightly traumatised. Not only did the rug match the curtains, but he had a fucking catchphrase.’

Ashley gasped in disgust.

‘Oh no, it’s something weird, isn’t it?’

‘Not weird in any other context. But he continuously shouted “Hiya” during sex!’ I began to giggle as I heard how bizarre my night sounded out loud.

‘What?’ Ashley said.

‘Like, constantly,’ I said, keeping my voice low. ‘I was answering him back too, like a right fanny. I had no idea what to do. But he was grunting, like, “Oh hiya … hiya … hi … hi … hi”.’ I looked around us and closed my eyes doing my best impression of William’s voice.

We both cackled so loud that the other customers began to gawk and I stopped feeling embarrassed. As I approached the front of the queue, I lifted a tuna and sweetcorn baguette from the fridge along with some Lucozade for a much-needed sugar burst.

‘Maybe he had Tourette’s?’ Ashley suggested, still trying wrap her head around the situation.

‘I think I would have picked up on that at dinner, Ash?’ I said.

‘And he couldn’t have looked that old, or surely you wouldn’t have done it! You must be exaggerating.’

‘Ash, I’m telling you. He could be a grandpa; I’m not even joking.’

‘Next!’ the cashier called out, sounding impatient as Ashley and I were too engrossed in conversation to notice it was our slot. Our chat halted as we approached the till and the cashier rang up our lunches and put them in a carrier bag.

‘Any cakes or pastries?’ she added in a monotone voice.

‘Zara?’ Ashley asked.

‘I’m fine, thanks.’

‘Are you sure? She’s pretty fond of a snowball or two.’

That set us off laughing loudly in the shop again. We quickly paid for our lunches and headed back to the clinic.

We sat down in the staff room and began munching our lunch. Ashley had a salad and I devoured my large baguette.

‘So, are you going to see him again?’ she asked, unscrewing her water bottle.

‘No way. Well, he wanted to, but I told him I was going to Dubai for workandmade out it was long term.’ My face scrunched up as I felt bad once more for my late-night lies.

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