Page 82 of Of Flesh & Bone

"What we have.Fucking is fun.Fucking feels good for a moment but fucking when you're in love with the other person, that's what this is.It's more right, more incredible than anything I've ever experienced.I know that I don't make love to you Eve, but I love you and I love fucking you while we're in love.It's perfect.It'll always be like this for us."

He wraps his arms around my waist and holds me tightly while our breathing slowly returns to normal.

CHAPTER 27

Eve

Adam left for the retreatthis morning and I don't feel as free as I thought I would.I just feel his absence heavy in my gut.I woke up this morning to his face between my legs and his mouth on my clit.He brought me to climax with his mouth twice before gliding his weeping cock inside me.He started out slow but quickly lost control, lifting up onto his knees and grabbing both of my thighs, using them as leverage against the battering ram that was his dick.Between thrusts, he exclaimed loudly, "MINE" and "FUCKING MINE" before he came inside me with a roar of finality.

Eli gets home tomorrow, and I'm trying to keep my mind on that, so I don't feel too pathetic about missing my boyfriend.I am really excited to see Eli.I've missed him so much.Even more since the whole thing with Nathan.When you have few people who care about you in your life, the one's that do matter a lot.I mean, I have my parents, but there's always been something between us.Sometimes, I feel like I wouldn't be in their lives at all if I wasn't Eden University material.They want me to strive for more with volleyball.It would make their dreams come true and justify putting up with me if I would just go pro.

Anyway, I can't wait to give Eli his welcome home gift.He's a big cinnamon roll and he loves gifts from the heart.He especially loves anything to do with Vaughn, so he's really going to appreciate this gift.

Vaughn was going to do a quiet welcome home at our apartment with just us, Eli's sister, his mom, and three of his friends.I've met all these people and, even though I'm not technically friends with them, I feel okay around them.

I quickly shot down the quiet night in that I know they were settling on because they wanted to include me.Adam is right.Vaughn is right.I need to push my limits or I'm never going to get better.None of that shit is even real anyway, right?

We're going to dinner at Eli's favorite steakhouse, Acre 41.After dinner, we're going to have drinks at Midnight Cowboy.It's a small bar and it doesn't get packed like Cornerstone does.Baby steps.

Maybe I'll make it to Cornerstone one day.Maybe not.It's not that I even have the desire to go; and I'm just limited by my anxiety.I don't want to go.I'm not curious about what goes on there.It's truly not my scene.The thing is that I don't want to be limited by my fear.Especially now with everything that I've learned recently.If a friend wants to celebrate at a place like Cornerstone, I want to be able to go without feeling panic inducing fear, without my palms sweating and my hands shaking.I want to be free.I will be free.

Adam has no idea what our plans are.I know exactly how he would have reacted if he knew I was going to a bar without him.Not just a no, but a hell no.What he doesn't know won't hurt him.I haven't lied about our plans, and I will tell him when he asks what we did this weekend.They aren't allowed to have any electronic devices on the retreat, so I won't have to worry about him finding out early and racing back to carry me out of there like an ass-spanking caveman.

The day goes by as usual.I've continued going to class sans hoodie.I would like to say that I'm used to it and that I feel completely comfortable meeting the eyes of people in the halls but I'm just not there yet.I mostly keep my head down and mind the business of everyone around me.I'm hyperaware of footsteps and voices that get too close.Keeping my keys in my pocket with a tight grip on them, I'm ready to wield them as a weapon at a moment's notice.

I did meet a new guy in one of my classes.I sat first, and he sat down beside me making casual conversation.I know I wasn't great company, but it wasn't terrible.

...................................

It's finally Saturday, and Eli's party prep is in full swing.We have a cake that we're taking to dinner and a plethora of hilarious signs to greet him with at the airport.My sign says, 'Congratulations on Parole, I bribed the Judge'.Vaughn's sign says 'three years is a long time, but I held this baby in for you through your whole incarceration.Congratulations, Daddy'.The others are equally as clever and vary from returning from rehab jabs to 'I don't care that I'm your brother, let's get hitched'.The signs are nothing compared to the costumes though.I'm in a blowup dinosaur costume.It's basically the only way that I can handle the airport.My face and body are completely obscured.Vaughn's costume is what appears to be a very pregnant Peggy Bundy, cigarette and all.He's going to love this.

I'm dressed for the night out under my costume because Eli's flight doesn't get in until 7.I let Vaughn take the reins on my outfit and she is mostly kind.She'd have preferred that I wear a short black cocktail thing, but I don't own one and I can't wear anything from her closet.Ultimately, she picks out a black mini skirt that still has the tags on it, a fitted white short sleeve tee tucked into the skirt, and black ballet flats.I don't own any heels.I do have a limited selection of nearly new makeup products, but V has a Sephora in her bathroom, so she uses her stuff on me.Red lips, smokey eyes, and bronzed skin.I don't hate it.I might like it.I just don't know.It's so...different.Vaughn tears up when she's finished, and the final product is revealed.

"I am so damn proud of you, Eve.Just so damn proud."

Fighting tears myself, I just smile back at her.

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