Page 31 of Of Flesh & Bone

"Why did you need it just now?"

"Everyone had stopped, and they were staring at us."

"And you worry what they'll think about us?"

"It's not like that for me.I mostly don't care what people think about me.It's more about...fear.I know it's irrational but, in the moment....it's hard to explain.It's when I feel like everyone's eyes are on me that I start thinking they could have the upper hand.All these scenarios of how I would need to be quicker and stronger to protect myself start assaulting my brain and I can't think of anything else."

"I googled you."

"You what?"

"I googled you while you were sleeping.They say you're possibly the greatest volleyball player in the country right now.Some say the best of our generation.There are pictures of you all over the internet.Your games have been televised multiple times.Do you have a panic attack every time?"

"I never panic when I'm playing.It's my emotional support activity or something.I don't really know but when I'm at the net, I don't think about anything other than my next move.I try to anticipate my opponents next move."My laugh is quiet and without humor."I'm...just volleyball."

He steps into me, kissing me softly on the lips."You are so much more than volleyball.Your teammates are blind for thinking that.It's their own short-sightedness that keeps them from seeing the real you.I see who you are.I'll be your emotional support boyfriend.Tell your mom that one."

I throw my head back and laugh and this time, it's full of humor.I laugh loudly, and I don't think about who might hear me.Adam is my emotional support boyfriend.The rest of the day goes by quickly and I don't have any other classes with my emotional support boyfriend.I know this because I keep my head up and pay attention.I am relieved to know that we do actually have a class together though.This means that I didn’t really lie to Vaughn.Several people smile at me.People I have never seen before because I've kept this hood pulled down past my eyes until today.

In my last class of the day, a girl comes and sits beside me and starts talking to me.She asks my name, and I learn that her name is Monolee, Mon for short.The only thing I've changed is that I have been looking up out from under this hood in case Adam is in one of my classes and I think I ended up making a friend because of it.It's definitely possible that I have been my own worst enemy.

Adam is waiting for me at the car.He opens my door and asks how the rest of my day went.Smiling, I tell him that I met someone.He shuts the door without letting me in and pushes me up against the car.

"Met who?"He growls.

"Calm down.It was a girl.Someone in my last class."

He squints and searches my face."Do you like girls, Wildcat?"

"No.Well, yeah but not like you're thinking.I like men."

He grips me by the throat, applying slight pressure there.

"I like you.Only you."

"Like?You like me?Hmmm.Is that all?"

"Adam.Ugh.I don't know what I feel.I've never even been in a relationship before, and I don't know what's normal and what isn't.All I know is that we met last Friday and today is Monday.I have had more what the fuck moments in the last few days since I've met you than I have in all the previous days of my life."

He purses his lips to smother a smile.

"What the fuck moments?"

Relieved to see his smile, I lean forward and kiss him on the mouth.He returns the kiss with fervor, pressing my back into the car."I need to get you home."

I laugh into his mouth."Let's go."

We're pulling into my complex and Adam tells me, "You're just getting some clothes.We're staying at Eden House tonight."

"You know, it would be nice if you asked me what I wanted to do every now and then."

He doesn't speak for a while and just looks out the windshield."Where do you want us to stay?"

"So, we're staying together again?"

He turns to me with an intensity that screams don't try me."Go inside and get your clothes.We're staying at the football house."

"I don't get a say?"

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