Page 119 of Of Flesh & Bone
"Yeah."I feel something stirring in him, but I have no idea what it is, so I'm helpless to prepare for it.
He releases me from his hold so he can pull his shirt off over his head.He has six gnarly looking bruises in the beginning stages of purple.There are two on his chest, two on his chiseled abdomen, and one on each shoulder.Ouch.That definitely hurt.
That was no regular paintball gun.Actually, now that I'm thinking about it.I think I remember Eli sending it out for customization just before he deployed.I didn't know what customizations could be made to a paintball gun at the time, but I do now.He obviously added power to the paintball ejection.Of course he did, and I just shot my boyfriend and a couple of my best friends in the world with it.
Adam must sense my growing guilt because he says, "It's okay.Don't worry.We've all already forgiven you and we know why you did it.I'm just glad you didn't leave.If you need some kind of outlet for your anger, that's fine.Even when it's assault, it's fine.Just as long as you stay with me."
I look at this man.My man.My soulmate.The love of my life.My beginning and end."You say the damnedest things and I love you for them."
"That's good love because it's about to be a very long night."
"Oh yeah?Why's that?"I ask hesitantly.
"Well because I'm going to fuck you in the shower.Then, I'm going to fuck you in this bed.After that, you're going to tell me what you whispered in Nadia's ear to make her skin turn gray, and finally I'm going to tell you how you can make up for shooting me."
"Do I have to tell you what I said to her?"
"All of that I just said and all you're worried about is telling me what you told her?"He laughs softly."I can't wait.I think I need to know now."
"Ugh I was just mad and talking out of my ass."
"I don't believe you.You meant what you said so much that she believed it too.Whatever you said petrified that girl.All the blood in her body drained down into her toes.Now tell me, what did you say to her?"
I take a moment to think about my next words.I'm tempted to lie so he doesn't realize how crazy I really am, but I know he will see right through it, and I never want to lie to him anyway.
"I asked her what her last breaths tasted like."
I watch Adam intently as he mulls over my words.I see the moment that he realizes I never meant for her to walk away from there.
"Oh, love."His words are barely above a whisper.He puts his forehead to mine and closes his eyes."No one has ever or will ever mean to me what you mean to me.I don't know what she said-"
I cut him off before he could finish.I don't want him to think that I was ready to erase this girl over petty words.
"It wasn't that.It wasn't anything she said.I can't explain the feeling, but when she shoved me, something else took over.I went into full survival mode.I tried to tell her.I said-"
This time it's him who cuts me off."I heard you.I heard what you said to her.You told her ‘That one was free.The next one would cost her in flesh.'"
I wince at hearing my words said back to me.That's some sinister shit right there.
"Yeah."I pause, going back into the memory."She didn't believe me.I really was just trying to warn her.I even waited until she had almost hit me.I was giving her the chance to stop, but...she didn't."
"That's on her.She pushed you.You warned her and she was still going to hit you.You did what you had to do.Don't spend any more time on this.She wouldn't have worried about you if she had been the one with the upper hand."
I nod, knowing that he is definitely right about that last part.We both know he's lying about me doing what I had to do though.There's no way that it was necessary for me to take it as far as I did.She would've run after those first two jabs if I'd given her half a chance.She already had her chance though.Second chances are dangerous.I don't give them.I did what I've always done.I chose survival even when it may not have been necessary.It's what got me moved from a few foster homes.When I feel threatened, I react, and I react in an extremely violent way.
Adam wraps his arms around me again and walks me backward into the bathroom and toward the shower sex he had promised.He undresses me slowly softly kissing my skin as he removes each piece of clothing from my body.In the shower, he places me under the water before gently washing my hair and every inch of my body.I love when he does this.He's so tender and loving.This is the time when he shows me how he feels.
"Do you remember that thing you wanted to do before that we didn't get to try?"
His hands still on my thighs.He's knelt down in front of me.My body is covered in suds and so are his hands.He doesn't look up; he just nods slowly.
"Do you want to try again?"I ask him as I run my hands through his wet strands.
He lets out the breath he had been holding and buries his face in my stomach kissing the wet soapy skin there.Again, he doesn't speak.He simply nods his head.I can feel his nod against my skin, and I can feel his anticipation in the air between us.I entwine my fingers with his and pull his hands from my thighs, ushering him to stand in front of me.He kisses me as soon as my mouth is within his reach.His kiss is warm and strong.I moan into his mouth and this spurs him on.He kisses me deeper, pushing me into the shower wall behind me.
He's everywhere, kissing my mouth, my jaw, my neck, and my shoulders.Sucking and nipping at my sensitive flesh.His hands are roaming my body, kneading my breasts and my ass.He skims my thighs and my stomach with his fingertips.I feel the suspense building and I'm not nervous or scared.I'm ready.I'm ready for him.
He must sense my excitement because he returns to my mouth, smiling, wearing that knowing smile he has.
