Page 61 of Need You to Choose Me

I frown. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed. You of all people saw what him leaving did to me.”

“It’s not him leaving that bothered me,” she corrects me softly. “It’s what he said to you. I may not be his biggest fan, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want updates. You care about him.”

Berlin looks even more lost. “Can one of you fill in the gaps? You and Alex dated, and he broke your heart? Is that the vibe I’m getting?”

Nibbling the inside of my cheek, I offer her a timid nod. “Basically. Although, dating may be a little more direct than what we were.”

Understanding has her nodding. “Got it. Fuck buddies. I definitely have a few of those in my back pocket. So what did he say to you before he left?”

I don’t want to relive that day. “It doesn’t matter now. We cleared the air when he called me earlier this summer. He needed some advice, and I gave it to him.”

Telling them about brunch would just contradict me and hurt Skylar more. But not telling them might hurt her ten times worse.

“What’s confusing?” Skylar asks.

How do I even put into words where my head is at when it’s at odds with my heart? “We had breakfast together when he was in town and some things were said. He acts like he’s genuinely sorry for how things ended.”

Berlin’s brows pinch. “Isn’t that a good thing? He doesn’t sound like a total dick.”

Wetting my bottom lip, I shake my head. “He isn’t. The problem is that it’s easier for me to hate him if I believe he is. Then he can’t hurt me.”

Both the girls look sympathetically at me.

I’ve been ignoring him so I can focus on school, and he hasn’t given up. If anything, I think it’s making him more determined. And I…like it? I don’t even know.

Skylar reaches out for me. “I know this has to be tough for you. I’m sorry, Olive.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I sort of did this to myself. And now I need to figure out how to handle it. Especially before the season officially starts.”

Berlin looks between Skylar and I. “The season? As in…hockey?” Something strikes her. Probably the games we’d watch together since meeting. Things would get heated. “Oh my God. He plays pro hockey.” I swear she gasps. “You’re totally talking about Alexander O’Conner, aren’t you? You dirty dog. I’m so proud of you. He’s hot!”

Skylar gives her a look. “Not the point, Berlin.”

She reigns in it. “Right. My bad.”

I’m not surprised she knows who I’m talking about. I always used to have something to do whenever Alex was brought up by the announcers or had more than a few minutes of screen time.

I shrug. “It’s whatever. When I figure out how to deal with it, you two will be the first to know. In the meantime, let’s figure out what our next buddy read should be now that Berlin has caught up.”

The girl in question glares at us. “I swear to baby Jesus if you make me read another depressing ass book, I’m suing. I don’t know who, but I’ll do it.”

We all laugh, breaking the tension that was starting to grow in my shoulders. “Deal. We’ll let you be part of the decision process this time.”

“That’s all I ask.” She pauses. “And, for the record, I can tell that Alex means something to you. Go easy on him. Not for him, but for you.”

I can feel her and Skylar looking at me.

Shifting where I’m sitting, I tug a piece of lint off my shirt and stare at it. I don’t have the energy to make an excuse as to why I can’t do that.

Take your time about us.

I’m not going anywhere.

But I’ll be here when you’re ready.

I stared at those text messages all night, thinking of a hundred things to say before opting for nothing. Because words couldn’t do justice to what my heart is feeling.

Rubbing my lips together, I pick up my phone and aimlessly scroll. “We’ll see,” I tell my friends.

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