Page 58 of Need You to Choose Me

His features harden, making him look like an overprotective brother. Or a jealous boyfriend. I can guess which is more likely. “Thought you weren’t interested.”

“I’m just asking a question, Cap.” I lean against the counter and cross my arms over my chest. “She’s a nice girl.”

He’s silent.

“And she thinks the world of you,” I comment matter-of-factly, gauging his stoic reaction. “I’m sure that makes it hard for others to compete.”

Clarkson straightens to full height. “I don’t know what you’re trying to get at—”

“I’m not trying to get at anything. All I’m saying is that you’ve got a nice girl who seems like a decent person and appreciates who you are for the traits you have, not for the money in your bank account. I don’t know a lot, but I do know having quality support in your life makes or breaks people like us. We’ve got a lot of people who try taking advantage of what we can give them. Belle has her shit together already. That’s not always common.”

One of his eyebrows quirks up. “Speaking from personal experience?”

Wetting my lips, I find myself nodding. “I’ve got a girl back home in mind. Not that she knows half the shit that would lighten my load.”

The caution tightening his facial features eases, and interest takes over. “Why not?”

“Because…” My voice trails off, lost in a sea of excuses that I try using reasonably. “Because my life has been a mess for a long time, and I try not taking down everybody with the ship. If I sink, fine. At least it’s my own doing. But there are innocent people I have no intention of dragging with me. She doesn’t deserve that.”

It’s as honest as I’ve been with anyone. Maybe it’s the liquor talking. Or maybe it’s the weight I’ve been carrying around for years that has finally started feeling too damn heavy.

“Even Atlas struggled to carry the world on his shoulders” is his first remark, shrugging loosely. “I don’t know what it is that you don’t want this girl to know, but it’ll crush you if you’re not careful. You should let her be the one who chooses if she stays onboard or gets on a lifeboat before it’s too late. Who knows. Maybe she’ll help carry the weight. Or at the very least let you get on the door in the icy water.”

“Wow,” I muse dryly. “A Greek mythology referenceandaTitanicone all in one night. I feel special.”

Clarkson snickers. “I was a bit of a Greek mythology nerd growing up. Read about any book I could find whether it was fictional or not.”

“And Titanic?”

He grins. “That’s Belle’s favorite movie.”

Both of my eyebrows dart up. “That’s a fucked-up movie to love. She has seen the ending, right?”

Clarkson snorts. “Trust me, she has. She used to force me to watch it with her from start to end. But we’re getting off track. My point is that you need to let people decide whether they want to choose you and everything that comes with it. That means your problems too, man. Whatever they may be.”

That’s a lot easier said than done. “Look, I don’t expect you to understand. Some people’s shit is too much.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“The fuck? No.”

“Rape someone?”

My face goes slack. “Get out of here with that,” I deadpan.

He holds his palms up. “Then I don’t know what’s so bad you’d risk losing someone you care about. I can see it in your eyes. You like her. If you’re bringing her up to me, that tells me it’s probably worth something. I told you before that this team is a family. We’re loyal. Moskins is probably vomiting his brains out in my guest bedroom right now. Again. There’s a lot of things we’ve done that probably make people question why they like us. Belle and I don’t always get along, but she’s still here. She’s still—” Clarkson stops himself. “Whatever it is that you’re holding back, it’s going to eat at you. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. If you need a test subject before laying it all on your girl back home, so be it. It won’t change shit for us.”

Your girl.That’s what I want her to be, right?

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him about my mom, but it gets stuck there, hanging on for dear life. One day, I decide. Oneday I’ll let someone try pulling me back on board. But I want that person to be Olive. Not Clarkson.

“It’s late,” I say, checking my watch. “I should get getting.”

He watches me for a second before nodding once, not pushing me. “Don’t forget we’ve got team meetings starting next week.”

I make sure I have my phone and wallet before heading to the door. “I’ll be there.”

“And, O’Conner?” he calls out, stopping me as I turn the knob. “It’s human nature to be needed. We’re not meant to live this life alone. It’s why we have friends. Family. They’re here to lighten the load.”

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