Page 14 of Scatter the Bones

Intrigued, I set them on top of the desk and open the oldest notebook.

Rows and rows of neatly written names, numbers, infractions, and punishments.

A ledger of my father’s brutality.

Most of my childhood memories are fuzzy but he must have started keeping this notebook the year after we moved here.

The earliest entries are deceptively mild.

Joshua—talked back to mother—two hours of silence.

Gideon—disobeyed father—write ten commandments ten times.

Jensen—neglected chores—Memorize and recite Romans 6:23.

Elizabeth—denied husband—10 lashes with belt.

Even my mother didn’t escape his punishments. My throat tightens. The implications of her entry turn my stomach.

I continue flipping pages. On and on the lists go.

After a while, other names pop up—people who must’ve stayed at the farm from time to time.

Sarah—refused to share with the community—stripped of bedding and warmth for three days.

Eli—coveted Sarah—three days of fasting and prayer. No contact with women for a week.

Lydia—questioned headship—Copy Ephesians 5:22 one hundred times.

Naomi—seen alone with Eli—confined to room. Hair cut to shoulder length.

Eli—whipped five times—Confined to barn for three nights.

The entries are cruel. Clinical. My father’s devotion to God twisted into justification for torturing people. I pick up another notebook and the insane ledger continues.

Thomas—stole bread—twenty lashes. Public apology before breakfast.

Leah—skipped chores—Forced to walk barefoot through fields.

Jensen—talked back—ruler to knuckles.

Gideon—interfered with Jensen’s correction. Must repent for idolizing family above God—seven lashes, two days of solitude.

My brother tried to protect me?

I glance down at my hands. Why can’t I remember that incident?

Joshua—caught sneaking bread to Gideon—fourteen lashes, confined to barn for two nights.

And my other brother tried to feed Gideon.

Jensen—failed to complete Psalm assignment—kneel on stones for four hours. No supper.

Christ, I can still feel the ache of those stones digging into my tender knees. Forcing myself to be still and not cry or he’d make me stay there even longer.

Gideon—caught sneaking bread to Jensen—ten lashes, four days of solitude.

I blink, my eyes burning. My brother still tried to feed me even after he’d been punished for trying to protect me before.

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