Page 37 of Rough Around the Hedges

“Yes, yes, lesson learnt,” I grumbled. “Although, I am now tempted to swear to a life of celibacy until I find myself in a serious relationship.”

“Can you masturbate if you’re celibate?”

“Um… I don’t know. I can’t say that’s something I’ve ever needed to find out.”

Isa snapped her fingers before pointing at me. “It is now. Hold that thought.” She quickly picked up her phone and typed. “It seems it’s a matter of choice. Some religions forbid it, but some are okay with it, so it depends on what you believe in.”

“I am a sudden believer of masturbation being a part of celibacy,” I said.

“Wow.”

“Wow, what?”

“That means there are some people who potentially live their entire life without ever having an orgasm. Don’t you think that’s sad?”

I paused. “But what if they have a dirty dream and orgasm in their sleep? Does that mean they’ve broken their vow of celibacy?”

Isa scratched her chin. “No? I mean, they haven’t masturbated, right?”

“One could argue that it’s a mental masturbation.”

“An involuntary one.”

How did we get here? “Why are we even talking about this?”

“I have no idea,” Isa said. “And I really need to get back to work before I get yelled at.”

I couldn’t agree more. “Yes. Go to work, you slacker.”

She eyed me as she got up. “Aren’t you also sitting in your dining room on a Wednesday lunchtime, not working?”

“I’m self-employed. I can’t be fired, unlike you.”

“Your clients may think otherwise.”

“I wouldn’t be sitting here right now if I had a client booked in. Susan is letting me come and trim her hedges on Saturday morning instead so I can get this figured out.”

Isa sighed, grabbing her bag. “Maybe I should come and work for you, instead.”

“Do you value our friendship, Isadora?”

“Not today.”

“Good. Then I have no issue firing you after your first day.”

She laughed and smacked a giant kiss on top of my head, making me flinch. “Remind your brother about his appointment on Tuesday, would you? I think he blocked my number when I threatened his balls again.”

No, he blocked her number because he’s had a schoolboy crush on her for years and can’t stand her talking about his balls.

I wasn’t about to tell her that, though.

I wasn’tthatmean a sister.

“Yeah, yeah. Will you make the meeting tomorrow?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I can’t wait to find out how you plan to fuck up my future husband’s life.”

I shot her a look. “Weren’t you going back to work?”

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