Page 17 of Rough Around the Hedges

What a killjoy. He could at least pretend to indulge my law-breaking fantasies, the filthy traitor.

“Consult a lawyer, I guess,” I replied. “At the very least, I need to make sure the notice complies with the terms within the contract. It was only renewed right before I took over as the committee chair a couple of years ago. I know it changed, but I can’t remember it off the top of my head.”

Shaun smiled. “Whatever it says, it’ll be fine. You have legal cover in the allotment insurance, right?”

“We do. We have to.” I sighed, slumping forwards. “I just… can’t believe that arrogant, bull-headed, snobbish schnitzelprickthinks he can waltz into our village and shut down our allotments.”

“Well, he does own the land they’re on,” Jake said. “As long as he complies with your contract, he can do what he wants.”

I snapped my head around and glared at him. “Do you want to die, brat?”

“Sis, it wouldn’t hurt you to think rationally.”

“I can’t think rationally. I’m angry. And if you’re going to be rational, piss off and book that dumb cat of yours into the vets to be neutered.”

Jake’s cheeks flushed. “I called!”

“Never fear, Isadora is hereeeeee!” Isa strolled into the kitchen with a flourish. “And she has alcoholllllll!”

Yes. That’s what we needed. More alcohol.

Shaun turned around. “Why are you referring to yourself in the third person?”

“It’s called making an entrance, Shaun.” She knocked her fist against the top of his head. “Oh, you already have booze.”

“You called me and said Rose was on the verge of streaking through the town centre. Of course I brought booze.”

Jake looked between them. “Why would you bring booze to my hysterical sister who might streak through the middle of town? Wouldn’t you give her… I don’t know, something to knock her out instead?”

Isa grabbed the bottle of vodka and gave it a wiggle. “Behold, the legendary medicine to knock a crazy bitch out.”

“Why am I being abused in my own home?” I muttered, cradling my glass. “I need new friends.”

“Nobody else could handle you,” Isa said, putting her bag on the table. “And, Jake? Bongo is booked in for his snip nextTuesday. Make sure you bring him to the office by eight-thirty to check him in.”

Jake blushed. “I told you I’d called, Rose.”

I looked at Isa. “Did he call?”

Isa helped herself to a glass from the cupboard. “Did he call? Hm, no. I called Big Steve to find out his work shifts, and he gave me his college class schedule, so I booked it in on a day he only has one class in the afternoon and a day off work to make sure he can’t use them as an excuse.”

Jake jumped to his feet. “That sly git!”

“That sly git is her uncle and your boss,” Shaun pointed out.

“Exactly. Listen to me, young man.” Isa planted her hands on the dining table and glared over at him. “Your cat is one month away from sexual maturity. If I don’t get his balls within the next two weeks, I’m going to send you a bill for every single cat I have to trap-neuter-release and every single stray ginger kitten that gets brought in or dumped for six months after he’s castrated. Every. Single. One.”

My brother paled. “Wh—why? That’s not fair!”

“Neither is it fair for the rescue centres who have to pick up the pieces of lazy arse owners like you.” She dug in her bag and pulled out an appointment card, then tossed it at him. “Eight-thirty a.m. Next Tuesday. If you forget, I’ll putyouon my operating table and takeyourballs. Either way, I’m removing a pair of testicles next week.”

He raised his beer to his lips and averted his eyes. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be there.”

I turned to my best friend. “You’re scary.”

She grabbed the wine bottle and refilled my glass. “Shut up and drink. I didn’t come here to lecture your brother, althoughthat is a bonus. I came here to find out why the duke reduced you to silence earlier when you first met.”

“I was momentarily drowning in an overwhelming wave of hatred for such a pompous git,” I replied.

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