Page 164 of Rough Around the Hedges

Oh, I knew what I thought.

I knew what Iknew.

I glanced around for the nearest thing I could use as a weapon and grabbed hold of Bertha, yanking her off the side with a ‘pop’ as the suction broke.

“We have to talk. Please. Just hear me out and I’ll explain, and—”

I quickly unlocked the door, yanking it open.

“Are you—”

“No!” I stabbed Bertha the Girthy towards him, and he flinched, staggering back a few steps. “Away with you! Go away! I’ve had it! Haven’t you broken my heart enough?” I thumped him on the arm with Bertha, beating his bicep with her three times.

He reached to grab her, but I snatched her out of his reach and hit the other arm.

“Ow, ow, she hurts!”

“Good! Feel my pain, you boarding school educated but emotionally stunted swine!”

“Jesus Christ, what is that thing made—ow!—of?”

“My hatred!” I shouted, giving him one last hit for good measure before turning around. I darted across my plot and hopped onto the side of my vegetable bed, then leapt over the fence into George’s plot.

“Watch me sprouts!” he shouted from the other side of it. “Rose!”

“Sorry, George, sorry!” I called back, heading for his gate. It was already unlatched, so I zoomed through it, clutching Bertha tightly. “I owe you!”

“Rose! Fuckme, woman!” Oliver hollered, followed by the sound of my gate.

“No! Never again!”

Whoops.

Guess that cat was out of the bag.

“She’s running awaaaaaaay!” Isadora yelled at the top of her voice. “Catch her!”

“What?” I almost tripped over a stone, but quickly recovered, still sprinting down the path.

What did she mean, catch me?

Who was she trying to tell that I was running?

“Rose!”

“No!” I shouted back at Oliver. “Leave me alone!”

I needed something to throw at him. Hit him, make him trip… Anything so I could get away. I had Ramona’s keys in my pocket, so I could make an escape if only I could reach her in time.

Ah.

I had Bertha.

“Go, Bertha! I choose you!”

I choose you?

Fuck me, it was a dildo, not a Pokémon.

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