Page 134 of Rough Around the Hedges

Cara peeked forwards at my words. “Oh, Uncle George, hold it out.”

He did so obediently, and she snapped a picture of it, giggling to herself as she quickly tapped at her phone screen.

It was good to see that some forms of teenage entertainment were timeless.

Then again, if it was only limited to teenagers, we wouldn’t have a whole conversation about his phallic veggies to begin with.

Apparently, penis humour transcended all ages.

“Rose, pleeeeease.”

“Oh, for God’s sake.” I stepped forwards and grabbed it out of his hand. I examined it, but I couldn’t tell what it was from looking alone. It was also that time of year that most chillis were ripening, so that didn’t even give me an indication.

If only the old fart had labelled the bloody things.

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit into the end of it before I could change my mind. I chewed it quickly, but not quickly enough.

Heat exploded in my mouth, and I screamed, both spitting out and dropping the chilli.

“Hot! Hot! Hot!” I shouted, jumping on the spot and sticking my tongue out, doing the ha-ha-ha breathing thing as if itwouldstop my fucking tastebuds from turning in on themselves because holyshitIwasabouttodieIwasgoingtodie.

George’s eyes widened in shock, and I screamed again.

“Milk!” Sabrina said. “Good God, Uncle George! What are you growing in there?”

“If I knew, she wouldn’t have needed to bite into it for me,” he said smartly, shuffling off towards his shed.

“Here.” Cara shoved her weird green drink at me. “Try this.”

I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t care what it was. I just needed this burning to fucking stop before I died.

Because I was dying, there was no doubt about it.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I sucked up her weird green drink. An ice-cold, almost grassy flavour instantly cooled my mouth, and I desperately sucked on the straw like my life depended on it.

Oh.

What wasthisdelightful little treat?

After a few minutes and crunching half the ice left in the bottom of the now-empty plastic cup, I looked in her direction. “What isthis?”

She raised her eyebrows. “An iced matcha latte. You’ve never had one before?”

“No! This is the greatest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”And there’d been some questionable things in there.“How do I get this?”

Both mother and daughter burst out laughing. “You’re feeling better, then,” Sabrina said, pulling some tissues out of her bag. “Here, wipe your face.”

“Ugh, thank you.” I almost gave the empty cup back to Cara before I paused and said a quick, “I owe you one of these. The coffee shop on the corner, right?”

She nodded.

“I’ll pay for one next time I’m in there. Actually, I might pay for ten. I might never drink anything else again. Do you think it’s acceptable to put vodka in this?”

“I told you there was a tea out there for you, Rose!” Susan said triumphantly, joining the fray. “You just hadn’t found it yet, and here you are, finding it!”

I looked at the cup, doing my best to ignore the sting in my mouth courtesy of George’s bloody chilli pepper. “This is tea? But she said it was a latte.”

“Matcha is ground green tea,” Sabrina explained. “It’s just called a latte because it’s made a similar way to it—for your coffee-loving heart, it’s mostly milk with a shot of matcha.”

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