Page 109 of Rough Around the Hedges

“Goodness,” Susan said, touching her hand to her chest. “I really do need to get one of those to keep in the car.”

My eyes widened.

“Well, I’m not explaining to Shaun why all the over-sixties suddenly have a dildo in their glovebox,” Isadora said brightly. “Car looks smashing, Susan.”

The older woman beamed at her. “Rose is a genius.”

Rose was something all right.

‘Resourceful’ was probably a better word than ‘genius,’ though.

Rose straightened up with a grin, still happily holding the dildo. “Bertha did a great job.”

“Bertha?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

Isadora buried her face in her hands. “No.”

“Yep. ’Cause Bertha’s gotgirth.” Rose grinned, wiggling the pink dildo at me.

I stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded, then shook my head. “I’m done here.”

“No! Wait!” She chased after me, still holding the bloody sex toy. “What about the shed?”

I stopped, sighing. “I don’t have time today. I’ll handle it, all right?”

She shuffled around to stand in front of me and gazed up at me with narrowed eyes. “You better.”

“I promise.” I touched a fingertip to the top of the dildo and pushed it away from me. “You know,” I whispered, leaning in. “If you’ve got anything else like that in your shed, you should bring it out next time you’re on your knees, princess.”

Her cheeks turned red, and I sidestepped her attempt at hitting me with the rubber penis before running away.

“You—!”

I winked at her over my shoulder. “Talk to you later.”

“Bastard!” she shouted, and I felt a hefty whack on my left shoulder.

“What the…” I turned to see Rose standing with her hands up, and when I looked down, my eyes found the bright pink dildo on the ground.

Did she just throw her fucking dildo at me?

I bent down and picked it up. “Rose.”

She swallowed, taking a step back. “Um, yes?”

I held it up. “I’m confiscating this.”

“You’re doing what? No, wait!” She rushed after me, and I raised it up over my head where I knew she couldn’t reach it. “Give me back Bertha!”

“If you wanted to keep her, you should have thought about it before you threw her at me.” I looked down at her and pressed my hand to her forehead, keeping her flailing arms at bay. “She’s mine, now.”

“Nooo,” she whined, letting her arms fall down as she leant into my hand. “Bertha has the best suction for dents. She lives in my toolbox. Give her back.”

This was so fucking ridiculous, so why was I smiling like a clown?

“Fine,” I said quietly, leaning in towards her slightly. “Come and see me later, and I’ll give it to you.”

She peered up at me, pouting. “You mean that?”

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