Page 34 of Rough Around the Hedges

“Are you threatening me, Rose?”

“I most certainly am not,Oliver.” I smiled coldly. “But just remember this: you picked this fight. Don’t be too upset when I hit back.”

8

ROSE

My Therapist Has Feathers

“Can you believe him? Feelings don’t factor into his decisions? What a cold-hearted bastard, don’t you think, Pancake?” I tossed a handful of assorted birdseed on the ground in front of me. “Where will you and the kids live? It’s like he doesn’t care that you’ll be homeless.”

“Cluck, cluck, cluck-a-bock-bock-bock,” said Pancake to her children, ignoring me completely as Bap, Roll, and Barmcake rushed over to her and started pecking at the ground at her instruction.

“I wish you loved me as much as you love your children,” I grumbled. “It’s not like I’m the one who feeds you or anything. Why are you over there bock-bocking at your kids like you’ve uncovered an ancient treasure when I’m the one who tossed the seeds to you?”

Waffles the rooster clucked in my lap, and I sighed, stroking his back.

At least I had Waffles on my side.

As far as things went, a rooster was a solid ally. They were surprisingly savage when they went into protection mode. Iactually had a little scar or two from when he was a spirited young lad and I had to whip his mardy arse into shape.

That was a nice way of saying he was a violent little shit when he wanted to be.

Dogs were great and all, but have you ever seen an angry rooster?

“At least you love me, Waffles,” I said, still smoothing his silky feathers. “And as much as it pains me, I have to admit that it’s not as though I don’t understand that ratbastard’s position. He is running a business, and he hasn’t been here for years, so why would he care about the value of this place to the community? I probably wouldn’t if I were him, but I’d at least try. He doesn’t even care to. If he can’t even send a closure notice based on the correct contract, is he really going to try to find a new site for this place? Of course not. He’s going to use the ambiguity of the contract to get out of it. And what about Hades? That cat isn’t suited for indoor life. I can barely get the feral little shit to the vet, and half the time, the vet comes to him, and he knows her.”

Waffles didn’t respond.

He was a terrible therapist.

Which was understandable, given that he was a rooster.

“But I can’t just take this lying down, you know? And actually, Dr Waffles, I’m furious. How dare he investigate me? How dare his snitchy little lackey go aroundmyhometown and askmypeople things to get information on me? That’s just playing dirty.”

“Bock-bock-bock,” Pancake clucked.

“You’re right, Nurse Pancake,” I replied, nodding my head. “I won’t accept this. It’s an invasion of my privacy. In fact, it’s practically a declaration of war. Countries have destroyed each other over less.”

Probably not, but I was on a roll. Not to mention I was paying for this weirdo therapy session in bird seed and feed, so I was going to be as dramatic as I pleased.

“Honestly, who cares if he’s handsome? Or rich? Or a duke? Does that give him the right to investigate my personal life? If he wanted to know about me, he should have asked for my name before he bent me over the side of the bed and pulled my hair, don’t you think?”

“Who bent you over the side of the bed and pulled your hair?” George asked from right behind me.

“Jesus Christ Almighty, George!” I jumped, accidentally shoving Waffles off my lap as I lost my balance and fell onto my side. “Announce yourself, old man!”

George chuckled, leaning on the fence. “I couldn’t interrupt your therapy session with the chickens, Rose. It was getting intense.”

My cheeks flushed, and I turned away from him, covering my mouth with my arm. “If you repeat a word of what you heard here today, I’ll throw a cauliflower at you.”

He saluted me. “Your secrets are all safe with me, young lady.”

That didn’t reassure me at all.

“How did the meeting with the duke go?”

I gave him a brief summary, leaving out the personal back-and-forth we’d engaged in.

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