Page 126 of Rough Around the Hedges

Nah. She was deadly serious.

Death by Rose.

What did it say about me that I wouldn’t mind dying at her hand?

Fuck. I needed a hobby.

“Just stay out of trouble,” I grumbled, rubbing my hand down my face. “Don’t get arrested, all right?”

“For the hundredth time, I don’t get arrested. I get put in time out.”

“A jail cell is a jail cell.”

“Yeah, but that one ismine.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that,” I admitted.

“Good. Bamboozling you is the top of my daily to-do list,” she replied, her voice bright and airy. “Don’t you have anything better to do than talk to me? Aren’t you busy?”

“Mm. But how can work possible be better than listening to whatever chaos is going to come out of your mouth?”

“If I didn’t know better, Your Grace, I’d say you’re embracing my weirdness.”

I smiled, sitting back down at my desk. “Embracing? I think I did that a while ago.”

“That’s true. You don’t even get mad when I do irritating things anymore. Hmm.” She smacked her lips together. “Maybe I’ll have to up the ante.”

“Oh?” I raised my eyebrows and fiddled with a pen. “Like what?”

“Release a plague of locusts in your bedroom. Sprinkle sugar through your McMansion and watch as you have a never-ending stream of ants move in as roommates.”

“Why are your ideas both bugs?”

“Do bugs not bother you? Darn. Oh, I know. I’ll plant bindweed all through your garden.”

I paused. “Bindweed?”

“Oh, yeah. That stuff is like me. Relentless, annoying, and impossible to get rid of.”

My lips curled into a small smile, and I dipped my head as if to hide it from myself. “Sounds like an absolute nightmare.”

“Thank you for the compliment,” she replied brightly. “Oh, I have to go. Waffles has tried to attack the mayor.”

“Give him a treat from me. I can’t stand that guy.”

A burst of laughter crackled down the phone, and my heart skipped at the sheer joy that was in it. “Noted. Maybe you two will be friends yet.”

“Maybe. If I can make you like me, anything is possible.”

She paused. “Piss off.”

Then she hung up.

I put my phone down and leant back in my chair, laughing.

Well, like was a strong word.

But she definitely didn’t hate me anymore.

---