Page 62 of Recipes for Life

“You never talked about Dad, but Dad always talked about you, so I asked him why. Why I didn’t go home to a mommyanda daddy like the kids in my school.”

I wanted to kick myself. Kids were so perceptive, and I should have known that just because she didn’t ask me about it, didn’t mean she didn’t wonder or have questions. I’d been so adamant about keeping Murphy at arm’s length, and it was clear that Lux had picked up on it.

“Do you remember what I told you when you asked?”

“Kind of...”

“I told you that just because our family was different from others, didn’t make us any less of a family. That your mom and I wouldalwaysbe here for you, and for our family. That I loved you both, that I always had and always will.”

I couldn’t help the overwhelming gratitude I felt for Murphy at that moment. He had grown in ways I was just beginning to realize, and even in the thick of it all, in the worst of times, it was clear he put us first.

“And now we will all be together?” Her face made it clear she was putting the puzzle of what we were trying to say together. “We will eat dinner together and watch movies together?”

“Yes,” I whispered to her, trying hard to ignore the fact that it felt like my heart was breaking but being pieced back together at the same time.

“Will we get to have sleepovers?” she asked excitedly.

“Every night,” Murphy responded before I could, and he winked at me.

“Tonight?” She clapped her hands together in excitement

I nodded at her. “In your treehouse.”

Her delighted squeals sounded around us as she flung her arms around us both.

Murphy’s eyes met mine and they shimmered with everything I felt.

“Forever,”he mouthed.

Chapter 39

Murphy

Having both of my girls with me as we drove home had my anxiety on edge, but in the best way. Everything I cared about was with me; everything I had hoped for but thought I would never have was finally sitting next to me. Odette was looking at me with love in her eyes instead of wariness and apprehensiveness. I felt like she was finally seeing themeI’d become in the aftermath of what I’d done. The me I should have been the entire time; the me, that was, without a doubt, one hundred percenthers.

I lost my way, I split myself in two trying to be who I thought the world wanted. But really, who gave an actual fuck? My entire world was sitting right next to me and in the car seat in the back, and I’d never,everforgive myself for losing sight of that, but I would prove it to Odette and Lux every day of my life that they are my reason for breathing.

Pulling into the drive, I checked my rearview mirror and noted that Lux was asleep—the girl had a tendency to fall asleep in the car, no matter how long or short the drive was. I turned my gaze to Odette, who was also looking at a sleeping Lux with a dreamy look on her face.The way this woman loves my child is beautiful.

“Do you remember when she was a baby, and we used to have to spend eight hours driving to keep her asleep?”

“Don’t remind me. I think I still have nightmares about a lack of sleep.”

“She’s perfect. You gave me the most perfect daughter.” I leaned over and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and she nuzzled into my hand, placing a soft kiss on my palm.

“Are we there yet?” Lux’s voice sounded from behind us, bringing us out of our moment.

“Of course, bug. Just give me a second, and I’ll get you out.” I kept my eyes on Odette. “Stay,” I told her. I climbed out of the car and made my way to Odette’s side, opened the door, and unbuckled her seatbelt. I offered her my hand so I could help her out of the truck, which she gladly accepted. Then I made my way to get Lux out.

Lux wrapped her arms around my neck, and I was holding her as I caught up with Odette. The look on her face mixed with Lux in my arms was what my dreams were made of. I felt my knees slightly buckle at the moment I thought I’d never experience again. She held her hand out to me, and I took it as we made our way to the backyard.

“Daddy, workshop?” she whispered into my neck.

Lux was like me, she liked to work with her hands, whether it be writing her words or painting something while I worked. She was never far away when I was working there. I saved the wood cutting and harder, labor-intensive things for when she was asleep or when she’d been with Odette. This was our nightly routine.

“Maybe not tonight, it’s been a big day.”

“I think I’d like to visit the workshop.”

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