Page 48 of Recipes for Life

“Right, well, the nurses should be by to grab you shortly for your tests. As long as everything looks okay, you’ll be discharged later tonight and free to go home, as long as you can get some help.”

He gave a weary look over in Murphy’s direction but advanced to me and put his hand on my shoulder. He gave it a squeeze before parting, and I could have sworn I heard a low growl come from Murphy’s direction.

“Listen, Murphy...”

It was at that moment Loretta and another nurse I didn’t know well, but knew her name, Sammy, came in.Good lord, was I ever going to get a moment alone with the man?! How ironic that I spent years avoiding this, and now it was all I wanted.

I huffed out my impatience, and I swore I saw a small smile on Murphy's lips before it faded to the frown I was growing to hate.

“You ready, kiddo?” Loretta asked, and I shot her a glare, still annoyed that people kept interrupting Murphy and me.

“Don’t you have better things to do this evening then take care of little ol’ me?”

“Probably.” But she pointed to the wheelchair in front of her, letting me know she wanted me to sit. Then she looked at Murphy. “You can hang out here, good lookin’. She’ll be back in no time.”

He was trying to advance toward me, clearly not liking his option of needing to stay here while I had the tests done, but one lookfrom Loretta had him backing down and nodding at her. Hefinallylooked at me. “I’ll be right here when you’re done.”

His hands were tucked into his front pockets, and he sat down, looking exhausted, and I couldn’t help but ache to be near him. Knowing Loretta would have none of it, I let her wheel me out of the room and into radiology.

The almost mundane task of having these tests done after all that unfolded tonight gave me time to really think about everything.

I guess I no longer cared how it looked to the outside world, I was in love with Murphy.But how? I asked myself.

I fell in love with the way he watches Lux, the way he watchesme.I fellin love with the backyard he built with his hands,for me.I fell in love with his honesty, even though it cost him everything. I fell back in love with Murphy in such a short span of time that I knew that’s why I spent those three years with an ocean between us. It made me wonder if I ever really stopped, because he wasmine;he was my soul. And I think we had to fall apart to get here.

We had to fall apart to get here.

Chapter 32

Murphy

It had been a week since Odette was discharged from the hospital, andsomehow,she agreed to stay with me at my mom’s house so there could be someone to help her at all times. She had a concussion from when her head hit the steering wheel, and four cracked ribs.Four.I got sweaty every time I thought of how much pain she must have been in but pushed through.

“Murphy? You with me?” Dr. Rold’s voice infiltrated my thoughts and brought me back to his room.

“Sure. What was the question?”

He looked over his half-moon spectacles and asked, “How are you coping with the after-effects of the accident?”

“I don’t think that’s a question you should be askingme,Doc; that one is better suited for Odette. She was in the accident.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Youalsosuffered a traumatic event, Murphy. So, I’ll ask you again, how are you coping?”

I tried my best to shrug indifferently at him, but he wasn’t buying it. I guess that’s the price I paid for him having been my therapist for the last three years. Heknewme.

“Murphy, we don’t lie to each other.”

“I haven’t said anything, Doc.”

“Fine then, we don’thidefrom each other, not here.”

He wasright,this was my safe space. I knew I had been distant from Odette this past week, and I saw her shooting me worried glances here and there, but my mother’s house waschaoticto say the least. I was doing my best to give her as much space as possible, considering where she was spending her recovery. Lux was also dealing with seeing her mother injured, and for a few days after the accident, she would cry whenever we tried to separate them. Now, we were currently all camping out in my mother’s living room.

I sighed in defeat, or maybe it was relief,I wasn’t sure.

“It just reaffirms the fact that I can live without her,but I can’t live in a world where she doesn’t exist. I can’t. I won’t. If she wants to move on, get married to that doctor Benji, I could live with that. I made my peace knowing that I would be alone for the rest of my life a long,longtime ago, Doc. But I can’t and I won’t survive in a world where she isn’t here.”

“What is it that you told me once? Your own personal motto?”

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