Page 15 of Recipes for Life

"Yes, hi, this is Odette James. I'm so sorry I missed a phone call about my daughter, Lux. I'm packing up to leave work and head there now."

"Oh! No need, Ms. James. Your husband...oh sorry, ex-husband, came and got her."

"Ah, okay, thank you."

Murphy and I didn't see each other much—okay, Murphy and Ibarelysaw each other. The first year after the divorce was painstakingly difficult. I thought I would be okay when he signed the divorce papers, but I was irrationally angry at him. Angry at him for who he'd become, angry at him for the affair, andungodlyangry at him for signing the papers. I knew my anger didn't make sense, but I was. I held on to that anger for a bit too long. Because of that anger, I didn't see Murphy for almost an entire year after the divorce was finalized—pickups were handled between our families and any communication went through the app.

The custody agreement was finalized by a judge, and even though I didn't want child support, that's not how it works. Even with fifty-fifty custody, Murphy made more than I did, so he was ordered to pay a certain amount. I was obnoxiously stubborn and refused, so he ended up opening a savings account for Lux, which he deposited all the child support payments into. It’sbecome a college or future fund for Lux, and that was something I could live with at the time.

Eventually, as I found myself, the anger started to fade. It had been the first time in my entire adult life that I was alone. It was scary and terrifying, but I came out of it a stronger, albeit, different person. I found love in cooking, yoga, and reading. I spent a lot of time figuring out what mademehappy, which was significantly different from the life I had been living with Murphy.

I dated...not a lot, but enough. It took a year for me to sleep with someone else, and after he left, I got sick right after. I realized then that maybe I wasn't ready and put dating on the back burner for a bit.

Wynn hassled me about it constantly. "You're hot and single. You could take a different lover every night if you wanted, who cares?"

But that had never been my way. It’s not that I didn't love sex or miss it—because I did—but it wasn't where my focus was. My focus was on rebuilding myself, my life, and making sure my daughter was happy. All the rest was just static.

Around six months ago, I met Benji. He was nice, safe, and I didn't get physically sick when we slept together. He was loving, attentive, and cared about me. He'd met Lux in passing, but nothing serious yet. It was outlined in our custody agreement that I had to inform Murphy of any male presence that was going to be around Lux for any extended period, and vice versa.

My stomach always churned when I thought of it, that the day would come when he told me he was introducing her to someone, that he planned on marrying her, that he had changed forher.I shook those thoughts from my head and opened my contacts. We'd outgrown the app over a year ago as thingssettled down and our lives settled into a new norm. While we only talked about Lux, and I hadn’t seen him in over eight months, we had both matured enough to be able to handle our shit and could speak like adults.

I couldn't remember the last time I had to call Murphy. I held my breath as the phone rang.

"Hello?" he said tentatively.

"Hi... Hey."

"Hey," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry. The school called, and my phone had been turned to silent. Is Lux with you, or your mom?"

"She's here with me. She’s feeling pretty crummy."

"Do you mind if I come pick her up?"

Silence greeted me, and it was in the silence that I realized I hadn't been to his house,our old house,since the night I left.

"Sure, I don't mind at all. Don't rush; she’s napping right now. Finish up your workday."

With a few awkward goodbyes since we didn't really talk, I informed him I'd text him when I was on my way. I knew we were supposed to inform the other one if there was someone important in our lives that would be spending time with Lux, but I figured I'd give him a heads up just in case.

After I had seen my last appointment for the day, I sent him a text letting him know I would be taking off. Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself to go to my old house for the first time in years.

Chapter 11

Odette

Packing up after my last appointment had me feeling a little nervous. It had been three years since Murphy and I spent any time alone with each other and our daughter.

I waved goodbye to Gennie on my way out, and she reminded me to text if I wasn't going to make it to work tomorrow to take care of Lux. I replied with my thanks and headed to my car—a cute little Prius, trying to save the earth and all that.

The drive to my old house had me reflecting on how little we had really seen each other over the last three years. Maybe seven instances in total? Lux had been young enough that there weren't any events to go to yet, and besides, she was a total homebody, anyway. I chewed on my lower lip.Oh my god, what if this has stunted Lux in some way? I never speak bad about her father, but...I never ask her about him, either.I frowned to myself, was that normal? At first, it had been because I couldn't handle it, then it had been because I didn't want to ask about him, and now...well, I'm unsure. I guess because it had been working for us.

My trip went by quickly, and pulling into the familiar driveway had me feeling equal parts nostalgia and dread. I'd always loved this house; the second I walked in, I knew how badly I had wanted it. Murphy even offered above asking price, and three weeks later, we moved in. Getting my bearings together took alittle bit longer than I thought, and I realized I'd been sitting here for about ten minutes, reminiscing about the past. Figuring that it was time to face the music, I headed up the drive to the front steps.

"Hey," Murphy's low baritone voice said from somewhere to my right. My hand flew to my chest as I let out a small shriek. "Oh m-my. You scared the absolute bologna out of me," I gasped, trying to slow my breathing.

He grinned and it was a bit disarming. "Bologna, huh?"

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