Page 27 of Recipes for Life

“What? Why! I thought everything was going well!”

“It was…but…” Then, I filled her in on the details about spending a little time with Murphy again.

“So, you’re getting back together with Murphy?” she questioned, doing a bad job at hiding that she clearly thought it wasn’t a good idea.

“What? No, no… It’s just, seeing Murphy again made me realize that I should feel more for Benji than I do after six months. He’s a good guy, but he isn’tmyguy. Doesn’t mean that my guy is Murphy, either,” I said, but it left a sour taste in my mouth.

“Do I need to remind you that he cheated on you? Forthreemonths?” Her words caused me to visibly flinch and that ache in my chest was back.

“No, that’s not something I’m likely to forget,” I whispered, not wanting her to see the depth of pain her words had caused me.

“Then why are you acting like you have?” she huffed at me and stormed off.

I watched her walk off, knowing I needed to give her time to cool off. I could understand her anger; I came to work at the clinic almost immediately after everything with Murphy and I went down. To say the woman Gennie met is a far cry from the woman I am now would be an understatement.

I was depressed—the kind of depression that makes those around you hover.Wynn’s talk that was meant to kick me in the ass made me tryharder.But I was still a wreck, filled with weeks of sobbing in the shower, weeks of cursing the ground Murphy walked on, then months of mind-numbing emptiness that had me feeling so damn broken and alone.Then, one day, something clicked.I didn’t want to live like this anymore.Slowly, I rebuilt my happiness for myself and for my daughter, I woke up for her, I breathed for her, and I learned to enjoy my life again so I could raise her to enjoy hers.

I could understand her hesitation; she was scared for me,I was scared for me.

So, why was it that a part of my heart still beat for him?

The rest of the day passed by a little too quickly. I was still in a haze of wondering if I was making the right decision by letting Murphy back into my life, even if it was just for one conversation. I couldn’t shake the feeling that having thatoneconversation would changeeverything.

Driving to meet Benji, my anxiousness over what to do about Murphy faded away to the guilt I felt about Benji. I’d never really ended a relationship before, and the closer I got to the Thai restaurant was usually met at, I was rehearsing what I was going to say in my head.

It’s not you, it’s me,

No, absolutely not.

I’m just too busy with Lux, and now…

No, that won’t work, either.

I saw my ex-husband and now he’s all I can think about...

Yeah, not that one, either.

Finding a spot in the parking lot, I rested my head on the steering wheel, mentally scolding myself and giving myself a pep talk at the same time.

You can do this, you’re an adult. He’ll be better off, anyway.

A rapping on my window had me letting out a little shriek, and I looked over to see Benji chuckling with his hands held up in surrender. “Sorry, Odette, I saw you pull in just before me. Figured we would walk in together.”

Stepping back, he gave me the space to get out of my car and calm my beating heart.

“Hey, Benji, it’s good to see you.” Instead of my usual quick kiss, I went in for a hug instead. I could feel him immediately tense at my greeting, but he shrugged it off quickly enough.

“You, too. Let’s get inside.” He grabbed my hand, and I felt awkward but I didn’t pull away.

The hostess led us to a booth in the back, away from the other patrons that were scattered about, and I was forever grateful that she stuck us back here so we could have this conversation away from others.

“You okay, Odette? You’re looking a little green.” His worried gaze had his eyebrows bunching together over his thick, dark-rimmed glasses.

“I’m okay. Listen, we need to talk.” I needed to get this out now because there was no way I’d be able to get through this meal acting like a normal human being.

“Ah, you’re ending things...” he said and kept his gaze on the menu, not seeming all that upset.

“Er, well...yes?” I asked that in a question, because, well, was I? It seemed like he was ending things for me…

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