Page 18 of Recipes for Life

Odette

Wynn was out of town for work, so the night passed in a painfully slow manner. I'd originally opened a bottle of wine, but after the first glass, my mind kept going back to Murphy and how his entire presence and demeanor seemed to have changed. I also couldn't stop reliving what an ass I had made of myself.

Your girlfriend won't mind?I mocked myself internally.

It was jarring to have been that close to Murphy after so long, and now I had questions I wanted answered.

Why wasn't he staying in the main house? He loved that house as much as I did. And since when does his boss not care about him taking a few days off? I scoffed at that, since that was impossible.

I spent the night frustrated because I realized that none of those questions were my business. If Lux was happy and taken care of, then the rest of Murphy's life was not a privilege I was a part of. After the first year or so, Susan tried to talk to me about his life, but I shot it down,hard.I was in my,I hate menclub at that time, and I worried about what I would say in front of Lux if I wasn't careful.

So, I had put my foot down and said if it didn’t directly affect Lux, I didn't want to hear it. Since my ex-in-laws are good people, they listened to my rules and never tried to deviate from them.

I spent my night tossing and turning as I couldn't seem to get my inner thoughts to quiet down.

No girlfriend, Odette.

I'm a little embarrassed at how many times that one line from Murphy kept running through my mind and kept me from any semblance of sleep. Finally, my alarm went off, and I was quick to hop out of bed and start my day—anything to distract me from my thoughts.

The day at work passed relatively quickly, and everyone at the clinic made it known that if I needed to take off and take care of Lux it was no big deal. I explained that Murphy had her, and that I would swing by and pick her up later. The only one who gave me a raised eyebrow was Gennie, and that's because we've become close friends over the last year or so. She was the one who introduced me to Benji at an event. He was her boyfriend's cousin, so we ended up going on a few double dates here and there.

Shit, Benji.I had totally forgotten to message him back the last few days, and a sense of guilt filled me. I quickly took out my phone between appointments and opened our text thread.

B:Hey, haven't seen you in a while. Wondering if you have some open time this weekend?

Benji knew I hadn't told Lux about us, or Murphy, for that matter. I explained that my priority was Lux, and I wasn't going to introduce anyone to her unless I knew we were serious. And while I liked Benji—I really did—there was a part of me that felt like something might be missing.

B:Haven't heard back from you, just making sure everything is OK.

Wynn told me it was a problem that I had a boyfriend I wouldn't introduce to my daughter, and a boyfriend I forgot existed half the time. I rationalized it with the fact that heknewI was busy, and I had been explicitly honest with him that I wasn't in a rush and looking to go slow. I sighed, knowing I needed to text him back.

Me:Hey B. Sorry, life got busy. Lux is sick. Will message you in a few days and get something on the books.

See? Easy, breezy, casual.

Fighting my inner turmoil, I decided to text Murphy about Lux. I pulled up his contact and, before I could change my mind, typed out a message.

Hey. Just checking in on Lux. Should I come grab her after work?

My phone beeped, alerting me of a message, and my heart briefly sank when I realized it was Benji replying to me.

B:Sorry to hear. Let me know.

Before I knew it, my down time had ended and it was back-to-back appointments—luckily, everything on the schedule today was routine. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't enough to distract me from my thoughts of Murphy, even though I should really be thinking of Benji. With a quick glance at the clock, I realized my day was wrapping up and I had yet to hear from Murphy, which wasn't like him. I felt like a fish out of water. For the last three years, we've had set schedules and very rarely did we deviate. I was unsure of how to navigate this change, and it wasfrustrating.Once again, I couldn't help but place some blame on my shoulders because I'd cut off contact so severely.Screw it, I decided. I could call him.I would call him.

With the phone line ringing, it was too late to turn back now, although I instantly regretted my decision.

"Hey, Odette." Murphy's deep voice sounded sluggish and littered with remaining sleep.

"Hey, sorry...did I wake you?" I heard shuffling in the background, then the quiet protesting of Lux over the line, “No,I don't want to wake up yet, Daddy.”A few more seconds of shuffling reached my ears, and my thoughts drifted to my daughter and Murphy, tangled up in sheets, sleeping, and my heart thundered in my chest.

Murphy’s more awake tone filtered through and disrupted my daydream before I could linger on it too much.

"I'm sorry, Odette. I just saw the notification of your text...we must have fallen asleep."

"It's uh...it's okay." It appeared I was finding it difficult to have even a somewhat intelligent conversation with Murphy.

"Did you..."

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