Page 9 of Addicted

I roll my eyes and laugh. “I really don’t think that you would because you have seen what a mess I am. I would never let anyone see how screwy I really am in job interview. I have to pretend that I have it together.”

“So, you wouldn’t be yourself.” He sounds strangely confused by this. “You don’t go in and let them see who you are? You act like you are someone else to make them give you a job?”

“Of course!” I stare at him with wide shocked eyes. “That’s what a job interview is, acting like you are the exact person they want to hire and then muddling through from there. Why do you think the world has so many people who suffer thinking that they are an imposter who doesn’t deserve to be where they are? Because they basically are. Everyone lies to get a job, it’s just the way that it’s done.”

“Wow.” Tim looks horrified. “That’s awful. I haven’t ever seen that at any of my jobs. Everyone is too real.”

“You are there for what, like a month at a time? You probably just don’t get to see it, that’s all. I’m sure if you stuck around for longer, you would get to see that everyone is lying. It’s just the way of the world.”

This exchange is funny really, I am being much more out spoken than I would be normally, but I’m standing up for what I believe in, I am showing this man with seemingly no real career experience, how things work. Somehow, by doing this, I am acting like someone who speaks her mind all the time.

“That’s not how my world works,” he replies quietly, shocking me to the core. “I wouldn’t want to live like that either. Dishonesty doesn’t work well for me. With me, what you see is always what you get, and I think I get that back as well. Maybe you are right, because I’m not around people for long enough I don’t get to know their in depth secrets and the parts of themselves that they don’t want others to know, but it always feels true.”

I take that in for a moment and wonder what Tim’s life must be like. Because he is open and honest with the world, he seems to think that everyone else is doing the same thing. Perhaps because I feel compelled to wear a mask to hide my true self, I make a similar assumption. I always believe that others have a hidden agenda as well. Maybe Tim has opened up my eyes a little bit in a way that I wasn’t expecting.

“I have five brothers, you know,” Tim suddenly declares. “And we are all incredibly different. We couldn’t be more different, so I know that I’m not always right, I suppose I do understand that not everyone is like me, but I have found that being open and honest is freeing, you know? It feels good.”

“Is that what you value most?” I find myself asking him. “Being free? Is that why you don’t settle down anywhere for too long or make deep connections, because you need to fly away like a bird at any given moment?”

“I haven’t ever thought of myself like a bird.” He can’t seem to stop the smile from spreading across his face. “But I like that analogy, yes. It’s fun to fly away, to see the rest of the world, as much as I can.”

If I’m a bird then I’m one trapped in a cage, one with thick metal bars surrounding me, suffocating me, making it hard for me to breathe. But since that’s how most people live their lives, I don’t see an issue. Not everyone can just throw their responsibilities to one side and live like a vagabond like Tim does. He’s rare. He’s a rare breed of bird that shakes off the shackles other birds live under and he flies off regardless.

It’s impressive, isn’t it? it’s to be admired. Others should want to be more like Tim. To be free. God, I wonder what my mother would think of him. I bet she would hate him so much that it’s funny. She wouldn’t be able to handle the man who never has a plan it would completely and utterly fry her brain. If I ever wanted to make her head explode, I would have to get her in to an argument with the mysterious Tim Wilson.

“Well, here we are.” Tim finally pulls the car to a halt and smiles at me. “This is it, the address. You have made it to your interview and thanks to my incredible driving you are just about on time.”

I check my watch and jump with excitement and nerves. “Oh my God, I am. But only just on time, which means I need to run right now. I won’t have any more time to prepare myself, but that’s probably for the best, isn’t it? I need to… speak from the heart or whatever it was that you said.”

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