Page 45 of The Leaving Road

“Look, it’s very clear to me that I’m attracted to you—I always have been. Ever since I knew what being attracted to a guy was, I knew I was attracted to you. I’m not saying this so we jump into bed together; in fact, that’s the exact opposite of what I want. I just think people skirt around the truth instead of laying it all out there, so that’s what I’m doing. My body responds to you, and when you’re close to me, it’s almost enough to make me forget. But you know what? I’d regret it if anything happened between us.”

I saw his shoulders sag, but then I saw the fire in his eyes, and I knew he was going to have a rebuttal. He opened his mouth to say something, and I waved him away so I could continue. “Please, just let me get this out.”

He nodded, and I kept going.

“I honestly don’t mean that to hurt you, but that’s the truth. There are brief moments in our interactions where it feels like I’m that fifteen-year-old girl again, sitting with her best friend and all the other stuff doesn’t matter…but it does matter. You hurt me. You hurt me more than anybody else I’ve known, and what you did to me changed me and shaped me in ways I’ll never be able to articulate. It took me a long time to let someone in again, and I’m unwilling to put myself in that position to be hurt like that again. The truth is, I don’t know you anymore, and you don’t know me—it’s been almost a decade. We’ve changed, at least I have, and if you haven’t, then the boy I left isn’t a man I’d want to know now.”

“Magnolia…”

“I’m not finished.” I shot a somewhat frosty glance in his direction.

“But the boy who tried to take the blame for me with Momma and Tuck? The one who dried my tears when I skinned my knees, or the one who taught me to play hockey and ride a bike? If he’s still around and grown up, then I think I’d like to give him a chance at being friends, but that’s all I can offer right now. Friendship.”

I saw the rise and fall of his chest, as if my words physically pained him, but I had to be honest. Sleeping with him was something I would regret, but I couldn’t deny I’m attracted to him. I didn’t want to get to know the asshole I left behind, but I’ve changed, somaybehe has as well.

“I’ll take whatever you offer me, Magnolia. I’ll be the best friend you’ve ever had.”

“Yeah, that didn’t go so well last time…” I just couldn’t help but get one last jibe in, and I felt my face flush a little in embarrassment.

“I’ll never be able to apologize enough… Is it my turn to talk now?”

I looked over at the dash, realizing the five minutes I promised him were up.

“Maybe next time.” I offered him a half-smile, a somewhat lazy wink, and exited the car before he could protest.

Walking into the house, I felt relief at being away from Sloan, and if I was being honest with myself, some disappointment. I hadn’t had a moment to myself to really think and process everything that happened tonight. Immediately, I felt drained, like a metaphorical bulldozer just ran me over and left me and my feelings exposed to the outside world. I wanted to curl up in bed, with a pint of ice cream and binge watchFriendsorModern Family,and promptly ignore everything that went down tonight.

Adulthood.

The front door opened, and I found myself flailing backward since I hadn’t moved from when I shut the door behind me. Luckily, I was able to regain my footing before completely falling on my ass.

“Jesus, babes, what are you doing?” Lexie looked a little startled, and rightfully so after I almost fell on top of her.

“I was just contemplating my very existence before you so rudely interrupted me.”

She cackled. “Oh yeah, and how’s that going for you?”

“Not well…not well at all. Oh, and what the fuck?” I flicked her nose, knowing that pissed her off.

“Magnolia, I swear, you get one; next time, I’m kicking your ass.” She pointed at me in mock anger. “But I’ll let this one pass because I kind of deserve it.” She gave me a cheeky grin.

“Kind of?!” I screeched. “Kind ofdeserve it?”

She hunched a shoulder at me, not looking even remotely sorry. “Listen, I overheard him telling Cassie off, and in his verbal lashing, he mentioned that he owned Yuliana’s. Ever since I picked you up from there and you’ve been ranting nonstop about how much you love the food, I couldn’t get the place out of my mind. It felt like I had heard it somewhere before, but then it clicked. During one of my work trips to China, we went and saw a field of them. I remember they called them Yuliana magnolia trees, and then everything started to become clear.”

“Whatexactlystarted to become clear?”

She gave me an exasperated sigh, as if annoyed that I didn’t have any idea what the hell she was talking about.

“He’s your lobster.”

“What?”

She gave me a pointed glare. “I know you didn’t suddenly forget one of your favorite TV shows. He’s yourlobster.”

“You cannot be serious right now. How much did you have to drink?”

She laughed. “I’m totally sober and totally serious. He’s your lobster. The way I see it, he was in love with you. He panicked, not knowing how to handle being eighteen and in love with his best friend. He was a dumb fucking kid—not that it’s really an excuse—and before he was able to sort through his feelings, which were misplaced onto Cassie, you found out everything and ran to Iowa. Not that it excuses him; I’m just beginning to understand everything, and it’s so exciting!”

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