Page 24 of The Leaving Road

I couldn’t help but call her name as she approached our table, even though she wasn’t facing us. She whipped around, and I knew I had made a mistake. I was thelastperson she wanted to see right now.

“Not right now, Sloan. I don’t have the energy to fake it right now,” she pleaded with me before turning on her heel and disappearing into the already fading sunset.

“What did she mean by that, Sloan?”

I turned back to my parents; I knew I had to come clean about a lot of things regarding Magnolia. I knew how she left and how she had seemingly cut my mom out had really hurt her. She thought it was something she had done, but come to find out it was something I had done, something unforgivable. I hadn’t seen my mom in over a week just due to conflicting schedules, and I had told myself I was going to come clean this Sunday during our monthly brunch. But now might be as good of a time as any.

“Maybe we should go to the back office and talk about some things.” It took all my strength to keep my voice steady, but I didn’t miss the way my mom’s eyes narrowed in my direction. She calmly pulled her napkin from her lap and set it on the table, got up, and made her way to the office without a word.

“Why do I have a bad feeling about this, son?” Dad said as he also got up and followed Mom.

Wishing I could freeze time to delay the inevitable, I knew that wasn’t possible nor was it the right thing to do. Being honest was the right thing to do, and now was the time. I entered the cozy office with a large wood desk, a leather sofa, with a two-seater next to it. It took up a good amount of room, but it just fit in here. Mom and Dad had taken a seat in the two-seater so they could be next to each other. For the first time since Cassie, I was embarrassed about who I was and humiliated about what I had to tell them.

“Please…” Mom said.

“I ran into Magnolia a few days ago. She informed me that she overheard a conversation I had eight years ago. A conversation that, until she pointed it out, I had completely forgotten about. I want to start off by saying that Ihatemyself for who I used to be, and I hate myself for not remembering what had happened.”

“Son, you’re starting to scare us a little,” Dad interjected.

“You guys know everything I went through with Cassie toward the end, and honestly, the beginning. Me being a selfish prick and hiding it from Magnolia. I had told you guys we had started to drift apart, but that wasn’t true. I visited her every night. After you guys went to bed, I went to her house, climbed the lattice, and snuck into her room, where we spent almost every evening together. As best friends, nothing ever sexual happened, but…”

“But what?”

“But I think I always wanted it to, and maybe that’s why I had kept my relationship with Cassie a secret from her. I knew how horribly Cassie had treated Magnolia in the past, but she never let it bother her. Cassie said she was joking and that’s why Magnolia never seemed to care. I knew it was utter bullshit, but I was content to bury my head in the sand.”

“Yes, we know all this…other than the sneaking out to Magnolia’s.”

Mom was right; they did know. Eventually, Cassie wanted to meet my parents, and since I was sticking around for school and her parents were paying for her to live in an apartment near campus, she laid out this plan for us to live together. She sold it the right way, of course: no rules, no parents, therealcollege experience even though we were staying close to home. And much to my parents’ dismay, I agreed.

“Right, well, I know I was able to tell you guys that I didn’t want to tell Magnolia because she had too much to deal with but, the truth was, Cassie was horrible to Magnolia. She used to call her awful names, likeMaggie Moo.”My mother’s shocked gasp cut through the air, and I could tell she was holding back a sob.

God,I’m such a piece of shit.

“That’s not the worst thing she overheard, Ma.”

My dad grumbled his displeasure from the sofa and rubbed my mom’s arm to try to comfort her.

“It was at our graduation party; Cassie was there, and she cornered me in the kitchen. She was unhappy with the fact that I was keeping our relationship more on the quiet side. She argued it would come out soon when people knew we were moving in together, and how people would think she was pregnant since it seemed too sudden. She was always jealous of Magnolia and how much she was a part of our family’s every day life. She just wouldn’t stop nagging me…and I… Well, I told her that you felt indebted to her mom to take care of her, and that you had begged me to look after her… That you felt like you had to shoulder the burden of her, and she was a responsibility.” I hung my head in shame, and the deadly silence that engulfed me had tears building that were dangerously close to falling.

“You didwhat?”My mother’s voice was low.

“I know.”

“Not only did you lie, but Magnolia heard this foolishness?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god.” Mom stood and began pacing the office, tears streaming down her face. “That poor girl. I had expected something, but I hadn’t expectedthis.” Mom was in full-on rant mode, her eyes shifting back and forth, as if from past to present, connecting all the untold dots. “I thought you had finally come clean about Cassie, and she finally confessed her feelings and you rejected her.”

What? What the fuck did my mom just say?

“But no, no, you had to go and do the worst goddamn thing imaginable. She had just lost her mother; her dad was either drinking himself to forget his ghosts or on the sea, unreachable for weeks at a time. All that girl had left was you, your dad, and me. And you ripped all that way from her.” She let her sob break free.

I couldn’t hold back my tears. I had never felt so low in my life.

“I’ve never been disappointed in you before, Sloan, and I never thought I would be… But I am so disappointed in you and the choices you have made. Especially when it came to Cassie. I was under the impression that, for years, she had you fooled, and when she had done what she did and the blinders came off, it was a hard lesson for you. But knowing that youknewwhat kind of person she could be? And that you hurt that sweet, innocent girl who loved you more than anything…” She picked up her purse from the sofa. “I can’t even be near you right now. I have to go.” She strutted out of the office and slammed the door behind her. My dad was hot on her heels, but he turned to me before he left.

“I know you were young, but I just can’t believe the man I raised would have done something like that. Even at eighteen years old.” He looked at the floor and shook his head with a frown. “Your mother loves you, she always will. She’s just going to have to find a way to come to terms with what you told her. I’ll make sure she calls you in a few days.”

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