Page 2 of The Leaving Road

I had refused to come home, so it was always on him to come to me, and with his schedule, the visits were few and far between. Sure, he asked me to come home almost every Christmas, Thanksgiving, and a few weeks in the summer, but I declined. He never pushed after what happened, just accepted my answer in silence and booked flights to see me instead. I supposed I felt guilty that I hadn’t made the effort to come home, but he said he understood, so I never gave it much thought…untilnow,anyway.

My phone rang next to me in the passenger seat, and I couldn’t help but smile as my best friend’s name flashed on the screen: Lexie.

“You make it inside yet?” Not even a hello.

“How did you know I was still sitting in my car?” I said on a sigh.

“You act like I haven’t been your best friend for the last eight years, Mags. I know you.”

I chuckled; shedidknow me. In fact, she knew me better than anyone. At one point in my life, that spot was held for Sloan. I winced, I never let myself think of him, or Lori, for that matter. I knew my dad was still in touch with them when he was around, but I left town like my ass was on fire and I never looked back.

Lori had tried to stay in contact with me, but I never answered. Eventually, I changed my number, and she got the hint. She still sent a few emails to my old email address that I couldn’t bring myself to delete for that reason—usually over the holidays and my birthday—but they all went unanswered. Dad tried to talk to me about it once, but when I tell you I shut it down, I mean, I shut him down for months—refusing to answer his calls, texts, or emails. After that, he never approached the topic again. He knew something had happened, but he didn’t know what.

“It’s time for you to go inside.” Lexie’s voice trickled through the phone. I was so wrapped up in memories of the past, I had almost forgotten she was still on the line.

“Will you stay on the phone with me?”

“For as long as you need, babe.”

I put the truck into drive and made it up the winding driveway, my heart splintering further with every inch of progress my truck made. My dad was gone and I was alone; I was doing my best not to turn numb. When I first left Rockland, I shut down. I worked, I went to school, I ate enough to survive, but I didn’t interact with the world. I hadn’t had the time to grieve and process my mom’s death when I was busy taking care of my dad. I was mourning a friendship with a boy I was in love with and the overwhelming shame of feeling like a burden to the only people in my life that I loved and thought had loved me. I shut the world out, and I shut down. Lexie brought me back from the brink of merely existing and back into the land of the living. Even eight years later, she called me a work in progress.

My truck finally reached the end of our driveway, and I couldn’t help but stare at the house that held all my childhood memories. Every inch of this place reminded me of my mom, of Sloan, of what I lost, and of what I never had to begin with.

“Magnolia? You with me?” Lexie whispered.

I knew she was trying to help and be there for me, but I needed to process things alone. I needed to be alone.

“I’m here. I need to call you tomorrow, Lex.” I hung up before she could respond.

I knew it was unkind, and I knew she worried about me. My phone pinged with the notification of a text message only seconds after hanging up. Lexie might have brought me back to the land of the living, but there were days I didn’t feel like being an active member in my life—the most I could muster was existing, and that was enough for me most days. One might not be able to understand the comfort that I got from being alone, but it was nice here. My feelings and my heart were safe. If you never let anyone in, you never had to lose them. That was my motto, the only exception to my rule was Lexie, and it was only because she refused to acceptnofor an answer.

My phone pinged again, alerting me to the unread message, roused me a bit from my thoughts. Taking a deep breath, it was time to face my past.

Hopping out of the truck, I grabbed the manila envelope my dad’s estate lawyer had sent to me with the keys in it. If he found it odd that I didn’t have a copy of them, he never let on; he just mailed them to the address I had provided him. I had a meeting with him in town tomorrow at nine AM. I tried to get him to come to the house as I had hoped I could keep my appearance at home on the down low, but that didn’t work out. I wasn’t planning on being here any longer than I had to be, and the less who knew about me being back, the better.

Unfortunately for me, Mr. Jensen said that any early morning meeting was only acceptable over breakfast, and since I had driven such a long way to meet him for this, he was taking me out. I figured the sooner we could get this over, the sooner I could go back to my life. My eyes caught on the porch, which wrapped around the entire front of the house. The porch was only a season or two away from being unsafe, and I noted the house had seen better days. I didn’t think my dad did any maintenance on it since Mom passed, though I had figured he’d hired a company to upkeep the maintenance since he was only here two or three months out of the year, and never much at one time. The poor exterior condition didn’t give me much hope for the inside.

I’d always loved this house; my grandparents left it to my dad, and it’s been in the family for generations. It sat on three acres, secluded, overgrown trees, flowers, and shrubbery lined the front all the way to the private dock that led to the beach.

The house itself was stunning in its prime: four-bedroom, three bathrooms, all original hardwood, and as a wedding present to my mom, my dad, had redone the kitchen. It still held its old Victorian feel on the outside, but the inside was really coming along. Well, it had been, before Mom had died. I always dreamed I’d raise my family here, like the generations before me. I scoffed.That’s not in the cards for me…not anymore.

The thought of going inside still made my stomach queasy. However, the dock seemed to call to me like a long-forgotten friend. Sitting on the dock used to be my favorite growing up. I’d spend my time out there reading in the summer months and doing my homework in the fall. I made the short walk down the gravel trail that led me straight to where I wanted to be, sat down, and took in the vastness that was the ocean. The ache in my heart seemed to lessen with my gaze on the endless ocean in front of me. The ocean never failed to calm me; in fact, it always made me realize how small I was in the grand scheme of things. I found it made it easier to breathe.

I couldn’t tell you how long I sat there, but the sky was turning and there was a bite to the air, but I was in a state of unfeeling and I was content. The sound of tires on gravel shattered any state of comfort I was feeling. The downfall of small towns, word travels fast, so someone must know I’m back. I just wasn’t ready yet to find outwho.

Chapter 2

Magnolia

The sounds of boots on the gravel were hard to ignore, but I kept my gaze toward the ocean. Maybe, justmaybe,it was someone I didn’t know, and they wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t acknowledge them.Wishful thinking.

“Magnolia?” A familiar honey voice reached my ears.Lori.

I could no longer hear her shoes hitting the gravel, so I knew she stopped before she reached the beginning of the dock.

Even hearing her voice stung. I knew this was inevitable; I just wish I had more time. More time to reinforce those walls I put up eight years ago because even the sound of her voice had them temporarily cracking.

The stabbing pain in my chest was so prominent, I raised my palm to try to rub it out, as if it were a physical assault instead of an emotional one. I couldn’t just ignore her, that would be rude, and she had reached out over the years. I know her and my dad kept in touch, and she was probably just doing her due diligence by checking in with me. The sun was close to setting anyway, and I had yet to go inside.

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