Page 78 of Fast and Dirty

Kira

“Ican’t get over this view,” I marvel, looking over the side of the sleek speed boat. “This place is so beautiful.” I tilt my head back to let the late afternoon sun soak into my skin.

“Mmm hmm,” West concedes next to me. “Yup, it’s great.”

I look over at him to find him just as I left him - with his leg bouncing up and down and his hands clasped in his lap.

“Seriously, what is with you?” I ask. “You love going fast. Everythingaboutyou is fast.

Though his eyes are unreadable from behind his shades, I see his jaw clench and his Adam’s apple bob. “I don’t know,” he says with a slight gulp as he feebly tries to wave his hand. “It’s just the…” he trails off as his hand flops in the breeze.

“It’s an inner ear thing,” Lincoln, the boat captain informs us over his shoulder as he seamlessly steers the water craft. “The erratic motion of the boat can cause an imbalance.”

“Poor baby, I’m sorry. Here, hold my hand,” I take hold ofone of West’s hands and clasp my fingers through his and continue to admire the sun glistening against the crystal waves.

So far, this is my definition of Paradise and I couldn’t be happier that Agnes suggested this place for our honeymoon. Her cousin Elvira owns a resort down here called the Salty Palms and got us a discount. I perused the website for a good hour while we were booking and I think what I’m looking forward to most is relaxing with a cocktail at the mermaid - themed tiki hut. Apparently they have a large aquarium in the middle of the bar that does mermaid shows.

To me, the trip is off to a terrific start with this exhilarating boat ride from the coast to the small island the resort sits on. Though Linc is quiet, he’s very friendly, and his little beagle Sally is a - fucking - dorable in her little life vest with a shark fin on the back. She gives one of those little doggy smiles as she basks in the sea breeze while we pitch and surge forward against the swells.

“I’m … feeling a little….”

I look over at West to find he’s turned an unattractive shade of green.

“Uh oh…” is all I can come up with before my husband bolts from his seat to the back of the boat. “Oh dear God,” I exclaim, looking from him to Linc. The man barely looks over his shoulder as he mumbles something about feeding the fishes.

I carefully stand and make my way to the back to comfort my husband. Clutching the back rail for support, I use my other hand to rub circles on his back - though I’m careful not to look over the side to check out his work. I think it would be better for our sex life if I didn’t.

The next thing I know, Sally, the wonderful nautical little beagle wanders over to us and takes a seat next to West as if offering him silent support.

It can only look up from here.

“Well,thanks for not attempting any figure eights or anything,” I look over at Linc as West falls to his knees and then rests his forehead against the wooden planks of the dock.

“No problem,” he nods thoughtfully down at West's crumpled form while Sally sniffs around his hair and gives his face a few licks.

“You okay babe?” I ask down at my husband as he all but dry humps the dock. He’s definitely happy to be back on land.

“Yeah I’m fine,” he sighs out heavily, looking up from his prone position as I take a seat on a nearby bench. “Just want to brush my teeth and get a stiff drink and I’ll be in ship shape.”

Linc snorts out a chuckle. “I see what you did there,” he muses at West, who I don’t think even meant to make a nautical pun. “Anyway…,” he places his hands on his hips and tilts his head in the direction of our luggage. “Everywhere on this resort is walking distance or you can check out a golf cart,” he casts his arm a ways down the dock and points at a row of neatly parked carts and a concierge stand.

“Ooh, let's get moving,” I gently urge West as he staggers to his feet. “I really want to check out that mermaid bar.”

“I have to say,” West breathes as he stands and takes me by the hand. “I must’ve done something right that my wife is more excited to go look at girls in bikinis than I am.”

“It’s so much more than that though,” Lincoln informs us before he whistles for his obedient pup to jump back aboard his boat. “It’s the atmosphere and the festive vibe. All the staff are friendly and a lot of fun - well,” his brows flatten as he shuts the door and West opens my side to help me in. “Except for Victoria. She’s a vicious, tempestuous bitch…” he mutters in more words than I think I’ve heard him speak in a row.

West and I both regard him wide eyed as he starts to untie his boat.

“Anyway,” he continues as he hops onto the stern deck. “I’ve got one more pick up to do before I’m done for the day. Their Mermaid Happy Hour starts soon so I might just see you there,” he mentions as he pushes off with his foot and strolls to the front of his boat to start the engine.

“Alright then,” West pipes up, turning us in the direction of the golf carts. “I’m driving.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, taking hold of my luggage handle and pulling it behind me.

“Yeah I’m sure babe. I have to redeem myself.”

I sigh, though I’m glad he’s feeling better. “Why do I get the feeling this is going to be like riding in the jeep with Agnes.”

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