Page 23 of Fast and Dirty

Oh… yeah, I forgot he was rooting for that for a minute there. Feeling a little sheepish I cringe as I pull out my toiletry bag.

“Twice,” I admit and brace myself for the likely explosion on the other end. He doesn’t disappoint.

“You slut!” He screams again but with laughter in his voice. “I’m so proud of you. So I’d ask if he was good, it was worth it, if you orgasmed and if he knows how to use his beaver basher but you just said twice so that answers all my questions! I’m happy for you, love,” he finishes his outburst, his tone calming down.

“Thanks,” I murmur, lifting a six-hundred-dollar pink sundress out of my suitcase and shaking my head. “I’m feeling a little uncertain though.”

“Why?” he demands. “You had every right to do something for you!. Am I wrong, was it horrible and you just did it a second time because you felt sorry for him? Does he have a micro peen?”

“No,” I breathe out, exasperated as I carry the pink garment to the closet in search of a hanger. “And you’re doing that thing with the rapid-fire questions again, can you dial it back? I’m a bit foggy and hungover.”

“Oh my god, you got your drink on, too. Scorned turpitude all the way, and I am here for it. So what’s got you down?”

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just feeling a little … slutty?” I hang up the pink sundress that I’ll probably never wear out of this house. In fact, all the clothes I’m unpacking as I talk to Toby feel a bit ostentatious. “I was just so reckless, and it was all so fast. I just chalked it up to sowing some much-needed oats at first, but then it happened a second time this morning. I guess it’s got me second - guessing myself.”

“You’re not slutty, and I’ve got news for you honey-butt,” he pauses to bite into something. His morning biscotti, most likely. “You’re not even reallyfeelingslutty. You just think youshould befeeling slutty.”

I lower the royal blue sleeveless blouse I was about to hangand squint up at the ceiling.Is he right?Fortunately, he moves right on to the next topic as his restless, small attention span tends to do. “So what’s the plan, babycake? Am I coming to get you? Because you know you can hole up with me for a while.”

“Yeah,” I answer automatically before hesitating. “Well, I mean, I think so. It’s just when I get back there, I don’t know what I’m going to do next.”

I finish unpacking while I fill him in on the expensive car rotting in West’s garage, daddy dearest cutting me off, my friendly phone call with Preston, and my new digs with Agnes. I finish just in time to close my suitcase and shove it under the bed.

“Girl, you are a hot mess,” Toby concludes.

“Hey, I’m at a very abrupt, involuntary crossroads here,” I defend, scooping up my phone and turning towards one of the windows.

“Sorry.”

“I’m just wondering if maybe I should…stay here?” I voice the idea out loud as I walk over to see what kind of view I have. “Maybe find a job?”

“Job?” Toby sounds horrified but I ignore his antics and keep on as I duck and pull the curtain to the side.

“To pay my way until I figure out what to do next. I just think I should lay low for a few days or years for my family to get over, you know, everything.” I wonder if I can see that darling inn from here. Like this house, it has a quaint character to it.

But Toby doesn’t have a chance to respond, because in the next two and a half seconds, I see a naked ass, Agnes startles the bejeezus out of me, and my phone goes flying out the window, Toby’s voice hollering in confused shock all the way down to the bushes below.

10

KIRA

“Isn’t this the best room for sight-seeing?” Agnes notes ever so casually, but seeing as how I didn’t hear her approach in the bedroom doorway and she announces her presence at the same time I see a naked ass, it’s a cocktail for startling the living daylights out of me.

“Bitch! What’s going on?” I hear Toby’s voice fading as it drops the two stories.

“I woulda moved in here after my granddaughter moved out, just for the view, but I kind of need that en suite bathroom,” Agnes continues, leaning a hand in the door frame as if she hadn’t just scared the shit out of me.

“I just … saw someone’s ass,” is all I can squeak out between deep breaths.

“I know,” she retorts, dreamily with her eyebrows raised. “Ned Lomack always takes his lunch break around this time and sunbathes up on the autoshop roof.”

“The autoshop?” I parrot, my breath still stuck in my throat. “So some naked guy is on West’s roof?” I say in disbelief as I hear Toby’s faint voice from down below.

“Hellooooo?” he calls, impatiently.

“Shit,” I mutter and scurry past Agnes. After gallopingdown the stairs, I bolt through the front door and run along the side of the sunlit yard. When I find the side of the house my bedroom is on, I make a beeline for the white peony bush.

“Bitch? Where’d you go?”

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