Page 31 of Fast and Dirty

“Just go get the car then, and leave the bags with me,” I huff at her.

“If you insist,” she perks up and sashays past me, giving my ass a swat on her way out. She calls them love taps.

I shift my shopping bags to one hand and reach up to grab at a couple of the phone numbers for the ads posted. It seems super old school, but I’m not complaining. Although I suppose I will check to see if the town as a Facebook page or something later, just to make sure these ads aren’t eleven years old or something.

Folding the fliers and stuffing them in my handbag, I scoop up the bags Agnes discarded, just in time to hear the clang of a trash can outside. I waddle out with the weight of the bags and heft them into the back seat before righting the can and climbing in the passenger seat.

As usual, we’re flying down the road before I even have my seatbelt secured, and we don’t get far before I hear a faint siren and look in the side view mirror to see a cop on our ass, complete with red and blue revolving lights.

“Shit,” Agnes mumbles as she pulls over, almost but not quite putting us in the ditch. Once we’ve stopped she leans over and with a conspiratorial whisper tells me, “Listen… you’re going to have to pull down the V of your t-shirt. My cleavage doesn’t do it anymore.”

“What?”

“To get out of the ticket!” She hisses. “My rack deflated long ago, and I’ve had to revert to the cliche old lady act. But yours are still firm and perky. Squish ‘em together!”

“No!” I lean back, as if she might try to sexually harass me.

“I am your superior!” She declares and I frown.

“I am not skeezing my way out of a ticket!” I protest just as auniformed officer approaches the side of the car, and Agnes startles slightly.

“Okay! Be cool, be cool!” She clamps her hands back on the wheel and tilts her grasshopper shades in the direction of the cop. “How can I help you sonny-boy?”

Now, I’ve never been in a situation like this before, but I certainly don’t expect to see a heart-stoppingly handsome face when the cop ducks his head to regard Agnes. I’m talking dark hair, dark eyes, sharp dark eyebrows, and strong chiseled features. The gang’s all here.

But that doesn’t surprise me half as much as what comes out of his mouth when he narrows his eyes, scrutinizing my wacky companion. “Shouldn’t you be in the nursing home watching Wheel of Fortune instead of gunning down the road at warp speed?”

Agnes snaps his head in his direction. “Shouldn’t you be somewhere eating a donut instead of chasing after hot women three times your age?”

The officer flashes her a grin. “Agnes … I’ve let you off with too many warnings, you know that.”

“I sneezed and hit the accelerator.”

He shakes his head before looking up at me. “I’m Theo Mitchell,” he gives me a friendly, closed-mouth smile.

“Kira Lockwood,” I smile back behind my thrift store aviators.

“Make sure she slows down, huh? She’s a ticket away from getting her license revoked, and there’s an ongoing dispute at the station over who has to be the one to do it.”

I chuckle. Agnes has everyone in this town wrapped around her finger and give him a reassuring nod.

As he walks back to his cruiser, Agnes is staring intently at her side view mirror, no doubt checking out his ass, and I damn near shit myself when she lays on the horn out of nowhere.

“What the -?!” I hear officer Theo exclaim.

Iturn to look at him through the back window.

“Just wanted to see you jump!” Agnes calls through her window before turning back to me and muttering. “If only he were wearing grey sweatpants, am I right?”

“Are all little country towns like this packed with hot guys?” I marvel, not only at Officer Hot Ass but at the way things go around here.

“Only the fictional ones, honey,” Agnes snorts as she puts the car in gear.

West

“Fuck this. I quit!”Ryan shouts through the shammy cloth that he’s vehemently rubbing over his face before tossing the filthy rag to the ground.

“Good luck with that,” Razor guffaws from his stool where he works on one of the Chaos’s members Harleys. “West and Hunt have already talked to all the business owners in town. No one’s touching your ass with a forty-foot pole until you take an attitude adjustment.”

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